Parents wants their children to be independent and interdependent

Parents wants their children to be independent and interdependent

• Parents wants their children to be independent and interdependent

• Parents want all positives for their children- inner confidence, a sense of purpose and involvement, meaningful and constructive relationship with other, success at school and in work

• On the other hand, Nation building starts from building families-without having productive families, it is impossible to have productive nation

• Therefore, it is very important for us-the parents- to have the right skills in raising our kids

“ Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare” ED ASNER

• “ Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare” ED ASNER

• On today’s show , we will see the parenting styles and one skill that we need to help our kids to develop –the self-esteem

Why we need to know about parenting styles?

• Why we need to know about parenting styles?

• Because it dictates how we relate ourselves with our children

• The basis of parenting styles are two convictions ፡-

• 1. Responsiveness

• 2. Control

• Different parenting authorities divide parenting styles into different categories.

• For instance, “ The Love and Logic” Authors, Foster Cline and Jim Fay categorized parenting styles in to four- Let’s see them

Helicopter parents

• Helicopter parents

• Drill Sergeant parents

• The Laissez-Faire parent

• The Consultant parents

Helicopter parents

• Helicopter parents

• As we know:

• Helicopters make a lot of wind, noise, and vibration

• Their role is to hover, rescue, and protect

• But what if the helicopter hovers overhead when there is no emergency? It is a problem

• When parents` insist hovering to provide constant protection, it is a pain. It can hinder normal life. Those who use this approach are called helicopter parents

• They stay close by in order to rescue their children whenever a problem arises.

---Helicopter parents

• ---Helicopter parents

• They jump in to shield their children from teachers, playmates, and other apparently hostile environment.

• They involve in every committee the school may organize., some of them seem to be at school more than some of the teachers.

• They seem so caring, and they are always “there” for their kids

• Helicopter parents often do things for their kids because of the way they-the parents feel

---Helicopter parents

• ---Helicopter parents

• Out of “love” or guilt, they will refrain from imposing or allowing consequences, because they feel uncomfortable with consequences

• When their children hurt, they bail them out-because they hurt too.

• Helicopter parents behave the way they do because they confuse love, protection, and caring.

• These parents don’t allow their children to fail. If their kids fail, they mistakenly reason, it means they are un caring and unloving parents.

---Helicopter parents

• ---Helicopter parents

• These parents are obsessed with the desire to create a perfect life for their kids-children never have to face struggles, inconveniences, discomforts, or disappointments. Parents do much of the work for these kids

• Covertly they have a message “you are fragile and can’t make it without me”

2. Drill Sergeant parents

• 2. Drill Sergeant parents

• “ Do it or you are grounded” they bark

• Raising kids by barking orders at them is not effective.

• They believe that children must submit without protest to their parents. Children are expected to fit in more than think themselves.

• The parent may say “ I don’t care how you feel about it –you get it done now.”

• Children of drill sergeant parents don’t know how to make decisions- they have been orderd around all their lives, listening to voices coming from outside of their heads.

--- Drill Sergeant parents

• --- Drill Sergeant parents

• Make “ do as I tell you” message

• Covertly communicate, “ you can’t think for yourself, so I will do it for you”

3. The laissez-Faire parent

• 3. The laissez-Faire parent

• They let their children raise themselves

• They don’t set boundaries to their behaviors or actions

• Believe a theory that children are born with the ability to govern themselves.

• “ whatever will be, will be” approach

4. The consultant parent

• 4. The consultant parent

• Consultant parents ask questions and offer choices

• Instead of telling their children what to do, they put the burden of decision making on their kid’s shoulder

• They provide options within safe limits.

• Parents can prepare their children for the real life

On the other hand, Dr. Phil, in his book, “ Family First”, categorized parenting styles into three

• On the other hand, Dr. Phil, in his book, “ Family First”, categorized parenting styles into three

• Authoritarian (similar to Drill Sergeant)

• This parents tell a child what to do, the rules are clear and usually inflexible

• An authoritarian parents control most of the decision making process.

2. Equalitarian (similar to consultative parents)

• 2. Equalitarian (similar to consultative parents)

• This category of parents give their children a role in making choices; children are involved in decision making process

• There is a room for flexibility.

• The parents are responsive, attentive and sensitive to children’s need

3. Permissive:- ( similar to The laissez-Faire parent)

• 3. Permissive:- ( similar to The laissez-Faire parent)

• Keep children within broad boundaries- Armstrong, Albert Einstein, and Thomas Edison had permissive parents

Steven Covey is known for his book “ The 7 habits of highly effective people” but he also have a book entitled, “ the 7 habits of highly effective Families”-in which he focused on certain principles to be followed in parenting our kids and building our families:

• Steven Covey is known for his book “ The 7 habits of highly effective people” but he also have a book entitled, “ the 7 habits of highly effective Families”-in which he focused on certain principles to be followed in parenting our kids and building our families:

• Habit 1-Be proactive- becoming an agent of change in your family

• Habit 2- Begin with the end in mind-Developing a family mission statement

• Habit 3- Put first things first- making family a priority in a turbulent world

Habit 4-Think “ win-win”- moving from “me” to “we”

• Habit 4-Think “ win-win”- moving from “me” to “we”

• Habit 5- Seek first to understand-then to be understood-solving family problems through empathetic communications

• Habit 6-Synergize-Building family unity through celebrating differences

• Habit 7-Sharpen the saw-Renewing the family spirit through traditions

In conclusion , regarding parenting styles,

• In conclusion , regarding parenting styles,

• We may choose different styles in different situations and circumstances

• But in my opinion, it is good to dominantly use styles that encourage children to involve in the process making decisions

There are different skills parents need to have to help their children. These include:

• There are different skills parents need to have to help their children. These include:

• Building :

• self esteem

• Decision making skills

• Problem solving skills

• Creativity skills

• Motivation skills

Self esteem

• Self esteem

• What is it?

• It is how the child feels about himself/herself-it is his/her overall judgment of self –how much he/she likes his/her particular person

• There are high and low self esteems

• High self-esteem mean- a sense of self respect, a feeling of self-worth, knowing that he/she has value

• low self-esteem- disrespect of self, feeling of unworthiness

Why self esteem?

• Why self esteem?

• Some scholars found out that:-

• Your child’s judgment of himself/herself influences the kind of friends he/she chooses,

• how he/she gets along with others,

• the kind of person he/she marries,

• how productive he/she will be

• It affects his/her creativity, integrity, and even whether he/she will be a leader or a follower

What is the source of self-esteem?

• What is the source of self-esteem?

• Studies show that this characteristics-self esteem- is not related to family wealth, education, geographical living area, social class, parents’ occupation, or always having mother at home.

• It comes instead from the quality of the relationships that exist between the child and those who play a significant role in his/her life

• “ Helping children build high self-esteem is the key to successful parenthood”

How can we develop self-esteem in our children?

• How can we develop self-esteem in our children?

• Give attention to your kids, give them your smiles, give them time to play with you-specially at early age

• Take care of the words that use in dealing with your children- it is clear that words have power-some parents curse their kids, they talk to them as if they are worthless, and useless- like in Amharic, “Yematereba, Dekama” ---be aware that words can destroy or build self-respect

Involve children in different activities that will help them get awareness of their competencies like in sports, music, arts, etc-it will give them further information about themselves-

• Involve children in different activities that will help them get awareness of their competencies like in sports, music, arts, etc-it will give them further information about themselves-

• Praise kids but discriminate behaviors which are worth praising- be specific at all cost

• provide a playful way to talk about positive qualities: ask questions like:

• Name things you like to do

• List some things you do well

• Share good qualities about yourself like caring, honest, helpful etc

• Name some nice things you have said to your friends or done for them

Telling a child that he or she is unique or special by itself is not enough---experience really counts-- action speaks louder than words

• Telling a child that he or she is unique or special by itself is not enough---experience really counts-- action speaks louder than words

• Let me tell you my experience in building high self-esteem in my children

• Kids involvement in charity-They support a child

• Kids involvement in setting their annual goals -

• A regular separate session with them

• Recent poem on “ Make mistakes” --Use every opportunity to teach your kids certain values

A poem for the parents’ day:

• A poem for the parents’ day:

• Make mistakes

• “Many of us afraid of making mistakes

• We want to be perfect- making no errors

• But--- in the real life, there is no perfection

• Therefore, Make mistakes- and get the opportunity to learn

• No one is perfect-No one knows all

• Make mistakes, and learn---this is my call

• Don’t give up from trying---start rolling the ball! ”

• Lulim Wondwossen

• “ Parenting is said to be the toughest job for which we receive the least training”