Shepherding a Child's Heart

Application Questions for Chapter 10
1. If you were to have the kind of communication with your
children outlined here, what would the costs be for you? Are you
willing to pay that price?
2. How are you at hearing what your child is saying?
3. Is confession of your sins, where appropriate, a regular part
of your communication with your children?
4. What are the sanctification issues that you would need to
address in order to lead your children in the ways set forth in this
chapter?
5. How can you help your children have a vision for the kind of
communication outlined in this chapter?

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Chapter 11
Embracing Biblical Methods: The Rod
The sincere entreaty accenting every syllable caught my ear.
“Dear, you know what Mommy said and you did not obey
Mommy. And now I’ll have to spank you. You know, Dear, that I am
not mad at you, but you must learn to obey.”
The baby was mute in the face of correction, but then she was only
a doll. And the mommy? She was 4-year-old Lauren. The speaker
behind the speaker was obviously her mother.
Lauren learned how to discipline dollies from her mother
disciplining her. Lauren imitates Mommy. Her mother understands
that Lauren possesses abilities not found in dollies. She knows that
Lauren’s behavior has a moral dimension. Lauren is not ethically
neutral. Lauren’s misbehavior brings her into conflict with God’s law.
Her heart trades in issues of good and evil. Mother understands, too,
that the issues of correction transcend the present. All earthly
punishment presupposes the great day when destinies are eternally
fixed. Mother wants her to be ready for that.
As I listened to this little 4-year-old, the clear structure and
gracious manner of this make-believe discipline session impressed
me. The lines were well-rehearsed. Lauren had heard them many
times. There was no anger, only firmness in her voice as she prepared
her baby for what was to come. The objective was also clear—“You
must learn to obey.” There was nothing in the manner of this young
imitator of “Mommy” that looked or sounded like child abuse. Yet
our culture regards all corporal punishment as cruel and abusive. For

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some parents it may be a reaction to ways they were abused. For most
of us it is a matter of style.
I can understand the resistance of many parents to corporal
discipline. Perhaps they themselves were abused. Maybe they
experienced discipline that was an expression of unbridled anger.
They were struck on-the-fly by parents who were venting anger and
frustration. As children, they may have expereincedexperienced fear,
hurt, and cruel abuse. Perhaps they thought, “When I am a parent, I
will never do that to my kids.”
To all such parents, I say, “I heartily agree with your
determination not to do to your children what your parents did to
you. If you experienced such abusive treatment, it was wrong and
certainly should never be done to your kids.”
But I fear the majority reaction against spanking is a matter of
fashion or style. The world of ideas is continually in flux. Ideas have
their periods of popularity and unpopularity. Like color combinations
that go in and out of vogue in the world of fashion and decorating,
ideas go in and out of style.
The rod, as a form of discipline, is an idea that is unfashionable at
present. If I had written this book in the 1950s, the section on
communication would have gotten little attention from the average
man. No one talked with children then. They were trotted, John
Wayne-style, to the woodshed. Dad was the strong, silent type who
did not talk much, but who used his brawn to keep his boy in line.
We live in an era when concepts of human rights and dignity have
been used to argue that spanking children is barbaric. We have
become sensitive to the potential for child abuse. We don’t want
parents to feel it is their right to beat their children whenever they
wish. Today, communication based on integrity and mutual respect is
a more popular idea. Therefore, it is easier to write about that.