The 50th Law (with 50 Cent)

parts of your thinking that were a little different from others, reflecting
your uniqueness, are slowly trimmed way, like a shrub made to match
the others, so that on almost all issues you agree with the group.
You are not aware of all this as it is happening to you. It occurs
unconsciously. In fact, you will tend to vociferously deny such

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conformity has ever taken place. You will imagine that you have come
upon these ideas on your own, that you have chosen to believe this and
think that. You don’t want to confront the social force operating on you
and causing you to blend in and enhance your sense of belonging. In
the long run, it is much better to confront your conformity to the group
ethos, so that you can become aware of it as it happens and control the
process to some degree.
The need to perform: Stemming from this first effect is the
second effect—in the group setting, we are always performing. It is
not just that we conform in appearances and thinking but that we
exaggerate our agreement and show others that we belong. In the
group, we become actors, molding what we say and do so that others
accept and like us and see us as loyal team members. Our
performances change depending on the size of the group and its
particular makeup—bosses or colleagues or friends. We might begin
with a degree of inner distance in these performances, aware, for
instance, that we are being unusually obsequious around the boss. But
over time, in acting the part we begin to feel what we are showing; the
inner distance melts away, and the mask we wear fuses into our
personality. Instead of thinking to smile in appropriate moments, we
automatically paste on the smile.
As part of this performance, we minimize our flaws and display
what we consider our strengths. We put on confidence. We act more
altruistic. Studies have shown that we are much more likely to give
money or help someone cross the road when others are looking at us.
In the group, we make sure that people see we support the right
causes; we post our progressive opinions prominently on social media.
We also make sure others see us working hard and putting in extra
hours. When we are alone, we often rehearse in our minds things we
will say or do for our next performance.
Do not imagine that it is better to simply be your natural self or to
rebel against this. There is nothing more unnatural than curbing this
need to perform, which even chimpanzees display to a high degree. If
you want to seem natural, as if you are comfortable with yourself, you
have to act the part; you have to train yourself to not feel nervous and
to shape your appearance so that in your naturalness you don’t offend
people or the group values. Those who sulk and refuse to perform end
up marginalized, as the group unconsciously expels such types.

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In any event, you should feel no shame about this need; there is
nothing you can do about it anyway, since in the group we
unconsciously mold our behavior to fit in. Better to be aware, to retain
that inner distance, and to transform yourself into a conscious and
superior actor, capable of altering your expression to fit the subgroup
and impressing people with your positive qualities.