The 50th Law (with 50 Cent)

The Dependency Strategy: You are suddenly befriended by
someone who is unusually attentive and concerned for your welfare.
They want to help you with your work or some other tasks. They want
to listen to your stories of hardship and adversity. How refreshing and
unusual to have such attention. You find yourself becoming ever so
dependent on what they give you. But every now and then you detect
some coldness on their part, and you rack your brain to figure out what
you might have said or done to trigger this. In fact, you can’t really be
sure if they’re upset with you, but you find yourself trying to please
them nonetheless, and slowly, without really noticing it, the dynamic is
reversed, and the displays of sympathy and concern seem to shift from
them to you.
Sometimes a similar dynamic is played out between parents and
their children. A mother, for instance, can shower her daughter with
affection and love, keeping the girl bound to her. If the daughter tries
to exercise independence at some point, the mother responds as if this
were an aggressive and unloving act on the daughter’s part. To avoid
feeling guilty, the daughter stops asserting herself and works harder to
earn more of the affection she has become dependent on. The
relationship has reversed itself. Later, the mother exercises control
over other aspects of her daughter’s life, including money, career, and
intimate partners. This can also occur within couples.
A variation of this strategy comes from people who love to make
promises (of assistance, money, a job), but don’t quite deliver on them.
Somehow they forget what they had promised, or only give you part of
it, always with a reasonable excuse. If you complain, they may accuse
you of being greedy or insensitive. You have to chase after them to
make up for your rudeness or to beg to get some of what they had
promised.
In any event, this strategy is all about gaining power over another.
The person who is made to feel dependent is returned to the position
of the needy and vulnerable child, wanting more. It is hard to imagine
that someone who is or was so attentive could be using this as a ploy,
which makes it doubly hard to see through. You must be wary of those
who are too solicitous too early on in a relationship. It is unnatural, as

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we are normally a bit suspicious of people in the beginning of any
relationship. They may be trying to make you dependent in some way,
and so you must keep some distance before you can truly gauge their
motives. If they start to turn cold and you are confused as to what you
did, you can be nearly certain they are using this strategy. If they react
with anger or dismay when you try to establish some distance or
independence, you can clearly see the power game as it emerges.
Getting out of any such relationships should be a priority.
In general, be wary about people’s promises and never completely
rely on them. With those who fail to deliver, it is more likely a pattern,
and it is best to have nothing more to do with them.