The 50th Law (with 50 Cent)

Othello by Shakespeare, the main character, Othello, assumes that his
wife, Desdemona, is guilty of adultery based on her nervous response
when questioned about some evidence. In truth Desdemona is
innocent, but the aggressive, paranoid nature of Othello and his
intimidating questions make her nervous, which he interprets as a sign
of guilt. What happens in such cases is that we pick up certain
emotional cues from the other person—nervousness, for instance—and
we assume they come from a certain source. We rush to the first
explanation that fits what we want to see. But the nervousness could
have several explanations, could be a temporary reaction to our
questioning or the overall circumstances. The error is not in the
observing but in the decoding.
In 1894 Alfred Dreyfus, a French military officer, was wrongly
arrested for passing along secrets to the Germans. Dreyfus was a Jew,
and many French at the time had anti-Semitic feelings. When first
appearing before the public for questioning, Dreyfus answered in a
calm, efficient tone that was part of his training as a bureaucrat and
was also a result of his trying to contain his nervousness. Most of the
public assumed that an innocent man would protest loudly. His
demeanor was seen as a sign of his guilt.
Keep in mind that people from different cultures will consider
different forms of behavior acceptable. These are known as display
rules. In some cultures people are conditioned to smile less or touch
more. Or their language involves greater emphasis on vocal pitch.
Always consider the cultural background of people, and interpret their
cues accordingly.

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As part of your practice, try to observe yourself as well. Notice how
often and when you tend to put on a fake smile, or how your body
registers nervousness—in your voice, the drumming of your fingers,
the twiddling with your hair, the quivering of your lips, and so on.
Becoming acutely aware of your own nonverbal behavior will make you
more sensitive and alert to the signals of others. You will be better able
to imagine the emotions that go with the cue. And you will also gain
greater control of your nonverbal behavior, something very valuable
for playing the right social role (see the last section of this chapter).
Finally, in developing these observational skills you will notice a
physical change in yourself and in your relation to people. You will
become increasingly sensitive to people’s shifting moods and even
anticipate them as you feel inside something of what they’re feeling.
Taken far enough, such powers can make you seem almost psychic, as
they did with Milton Erickson.
Decoding Keys
Remember that people are generally trying to present the best possible
front to the world. This means concealing their possible antagonistic
feelings, their desires for power or superiority, their attempts at
ingratiation, and their insecurities. They will use words to hide their
feelings and distract you from the reality, playing on people’s verbal
fixation. They will also use certain facial expressions that are easy to
put on and that people assume mean friendliness. Your task is to look
past the distractions and become aware of those signs that leak out
automatically, revealing something of the true emotion beneath the
mask. The three categories of the most important cues to observe and
identify are dislike/like, dominance/submission, and deception.