The 50th Law (with 50 Cent)

Dominance/submission cues:
As the most complex social animal on the
planet, we humans form elaborate hierarchies based on position,
money, and power. We are aware of these hierarchies, but we do not
like talking explicitly about relative power positions, and we are
generally uncomfortable when others talk about their superior rank.
Instead, signs of dominance or weakness are more often expressed in
nonverbal communication. We have inherited this communication
style from other primates, notably chimpanzees, who have elaborate
signals to denote an individual chimp’s place in the social rank. Keep
in mind that the feeling of being in a superior social position gives
people a confidence that will radiate outward in their body language.
Some feel this confidence before they attain a position of power, and it
becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy as others are drawn to them. Some
who are ambitious might try to simulate these cues, but it has to be
done well. Fake confidence can be quite off-putting.
Confidence usually comes with a greater feeling of relaxation that is
clearly reflected in the face, and with a greater freedom of movement.
Those who are powerful will feel allowed to look around more at
others, choosing to make eye contact with whomever they please. Their
eyelids are more closed, a sign of seriousness and competence. If they
feel bored or annoyed, they show it more freely and openly. They often
smile less, frequent smiling being a sign of overall insecurity. They feel
more entitled to touch people, such as with friendly pats on the back or
on the arm. In a meeting, they will tend to take up more space and
create more distance around themselves. They stand taller, and their
gestures are relaxed and comfortable. Most important, others feel
compelled to imitate their style and mannerisms. The leader will tend
to impose a form of nonverbal communication on the group in very

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subtle ways. You will notice people mimicking not only their ideas but
also their calm or more frenetic energy.
Alpha males like to signal their superior position in the rank in
several ways: They speak faster than others and feel entitled to
interrupt and control the flow of the conversation. Their handshake is
extra vigorous, almost crushing. When they walk in the office, you will
see them assume a taller stance and a purposeful stride, generally
making inferiors walk behind them. Watch chimpanzees in a zoo and
you will notice similar behavior on the part of the alpha chimp.
For women in leadership positions, what often works best is a calm,
confident expression, warm yet businesslike. Perhaps the best example
of this would be current German chancellor Angela Merkel. Her smiles
are even less frequent than the average male politician, but when they
occur they are especially meaningful. They never seem fake. She listens
to others with looks of complete absorption, her face remarkably still.
She has a way of getting others to do most of the talking while always
seeming to be in control of the course of the conversation. She does not
need to interrupt to assert herself. When she wants to attack someone,
it is with looks of boredom, iciness, or contempt, never with blustery
words. When Russian president Vladimir Putin tried to intimidate her
by bringing his pet dog into a meeting, knowing Merkel had once been
bitten and had a fear of dogs, she visibly tensed, then quickly
composed herself and looked him calmly in the eye. She put herself in
the one-up position in relation to Putin by not making anything of his
ploy. He seemed rather childish and petty in comparison. Her style
does not include all of the alpha male body posturing. It is quieter and
yet extremely powerful in its own way.
As women come to attain more leadership positions, this less
obtrusive style of authority might begin to alter our perception of some
of the dominance cues so long associated with power.
It is worth observing those in positions of power in your group for
signs of dominance cues and for their absence. Leaders who display
tension and hesitation in their nonverbal cues are generally insecure in
their power and feel it threatened. Signs of such anxiety and insecurity
are generally easy to spot. They will talk in a more halting manner,
with long pauses. Their voice will rise in pitch and stay there. They will
tend to avert their gaze and control their eye movements, although
they will often blink more. They will put on more forced smiles and

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emit nervous laughs. As opposed to feeling entitled to touch others,
they will tend to touch themselves in what is known as pacifying
behavior. They will touch their hair, their neck, their forehead, all in an
attempt to soothe their nerves. People trying to hide their insecurities
will assert themselves a little too loudly in a conversation, their voices
rising. As they do this, they look around nervously, eyes wide open. Or
as they talk in an animated way, their hands and bodies are unusually
still, always a sign of anxiety. They will inevitably give off mixed
signals, and you must pay greater attention to those that signal
underlying insecurity.
Nicolas Sarkozy, president of France (2007–2012), was someone
who liked to assert his presence through body language. He would pat
people on the back, be the one to direct them where to stand, fix them
with his stare, interrupt what they were saying, and generally try to
dominate the room. During one meeting with him in the midst of the
euro crisis, Chancellor Merkel saw his usual domineering act but could
not help but notice his foot nervously jiggling the entire time. The extra
assertive style was perhaps his way of distracting others from his
insecurities. This was valuable information Merkel could put to use.
People’s actions will often contain dominance and submission cues.
For instance, people will often show up late to indicate their
superiority, real or imagined. They are not obligated to be on time.
Also, conversation patterns reveal the relative position people feel they
occupy. For instance, those who feel dominant will tend to talk more
and interrupt frequently, as a means of asserting themselves. When
there’s an argument that turns personal, they will resort to what is
known as punctuation—they will find an action on the other side that
started it all, even though clearly it is part of the relationship pattern.
They assert their interpretation of who is to blame through their tone
of voice and piercing looks. If you observe a couple from the outside,
you will frequently notice one person who is in the dominant position.
If you converse with them, the dominant one will make eye contact
with you but not with his or her partner, and will appear to only half
listen to what the partner says. Smiles can also be a subtle cue for
indicating superiority, especially through what we shall call the tight
smile. This usually comes in response to something someone said, and
it is a smile that tightens the facial muscles and indicates irony and
contempt for the person they see as inferior but gives them the cover of
appearing friendly.

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One final but very subtle nonverbal means of asserting dominance
in a relationship comes through the symptom. One partner suddenly
develops headaches or some other illness, or starts drinking, or
generally falls into a negative pattern of behavior. This forces the other
side to play by their rules, to tend to their weaknesses. It is the willful
use of sympathy to gain power and it is extremely effective.
Finally, use the knowledge you glean from these cues as a valuable
means of gauging the levels of confidence in people and acting
appropriately. With leaders who are riddled with insecurities that poke
through nonverbally, you can play to their insecurities and gain power
through this, but often it is best to avoid attaching yourself too closely
to such types, as they tend to do poorly over time and can drag you
down with them. With those who are not leaders but are trying to
assert themselves as if they were, your response should depend on
their personality type. If they are rising stars, full of self-belief and a
sense of destiny, it might be wise to try to rise with them. You will
notice such types by the positive energy that surrounds them. On the
other hand, if they are simply arrogant and petty despots, these are
precisely the types you should always strive to avoid, as they are
masters at making others pay lip service to them without giving
anything in return.