The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted
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The art of saying no
WE SUCCUMB TO EMOTIONAL
BULLYING Y ou’ll occasionally run into people who refuse to take no for an answer. They’ll go to great lengths to compel you to say yes, including using emotional bullying. Emotional bullying occurs when one person makes another feel afraid, angry, or self-conscious for the purpose of achieving his or her ends. This is accomplished through a variety of means, including the following: yelling calling swearing making threats lobbing insults humiliation ostracization making accusations Emotional bullies use the above tactics to cause their victims to feel guilt, fear, shame, and embarrassment. The idea is that people who experience these negative feelings will acquiesce. They’ll surrender, saying yes to the abusers if only to stop the abuse. Emotional bullies know what they’re doing. They realize they’re being manipulative. They understand they’re being rude and unfair to their victims. That’s important to remember. Why? Because it gives you the freedom to stand up to this type of bullying and point out its shortcomings. It also gives you the self- confidence to remain resolute in saying no when the bully is trying to get you to say yes. For example, suppose you’ve declined a coworker’s request for help so you’ll have enough time to meet your own work-related obligations. Your coworker responds by shouting and swearing at you. One way to respond is to remind your coworker that shouting and swearing is inappropriate and unprofessional. Moreover, the behavior is unlikely to resolve things in a productive manner. You might even ask the bully to describe the last time shouting and swearing actually worked for him or her. In other words, take the high road. Because you’re aware that the abuser is knowingly being manipulative, you’ll be less compelled by his or her tactics. You won’t feel shamed, fearful, guilty, or embarrassed. Instead, you’ll recognize the bully’s shouting and swearing as indications of his or her personality flaws. That’ll make it much easier to remain assertive and stand your ground. |
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