The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted
Download 0.89 Mb. Pdf ko'rish
|
The art of saying no
- Bu sahifa navigatsiya:
- Requestor
WE'RE AVERSE TO CONFLICT
M any folks have difficulty saying no because they struggle with conflict anxiety. They loathe confrontation, and will do just about anything to avoid it. For them, saying yes is a quick and easy way to quash a potential dust-up. I relate to this tendency. I was raised to abhor conflict. When the person I was talking to appeared to become frustrated, angry, or even mildly disappointed, I’d immediately try to assuage them. When such feelings were triggered by something I had said, I’d immediately retract my statements. Here’s an example of how such conversations progressed: Requestor: “Damon, can I ask you a favor?” Me: “Sure. What do you need?” Requestor: “Can you take me to the airport this Friday?” Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t do it this Friday.” Requestor (getting angry): “Are you serious? You’re not going to help me?” Me (with a deer-in-the-headlights stare): “Uhh…” Requestor (getting angrier): “Don’t ever ask me for anything in the future!” Me (desperate to end the conflict): “Okay. Calm down. I’ll take you to the airport.” Acquiescing to the requestor’s demand was easier than standing my ground. This was the case because I had such a strong resistance to conflict. I was willing to give in just to avoid a confrontation. Maybe you can relate. Perhaps you tend to say yes to people so they won’t be angry or frustrated with you. You’ve learned that being nice stifles any chance of a showdown. The problem is, capitulating to avoid conflict reinforces the idea that your feelings are less important than those of the other person. The reality is, they’re not less important. You’re just being made to feel that way. If you’re afraid of conflict, there are small, simple things you can do to overcome that fear. First, recognize that harmony isn’t always possible. People have conflicting opinions, needs, and desires. Friction is inevitable. Second, remind yourself that conflict isn’t necessarily bad. It’s merely the expression of contradictory views. How a person reacts to a conflict (with a calm demeanor or with anger) is an entirely different matter. Third, practice saying no in small steps. Start with situations where confrontations are likely to be nonexistent. An example is telling a salesperson at a clothing store that you don’t want to buy an article of clothing. Gradually introduce situations where saying no is likely to have a larger reaction. An example is telling a used car salesman that you don’t want to purchase a vehicle. By starting with low-risk situations, you’ll build a tolerance for conflict. Like a muscle, this tolerance will become stronger with repeated use. You’ll eventually grow comfortable saying no, even when faced with someone prone to anger when his or her requests are denied. |
Ma'lumotlar bazasi mualliflik huquqi bilan himoyalangan ©fayllar.org 2024
ma'muriyatiga murojaat qiling
ma'muriyatiga murojaat qiling