The Art Of Saying no: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted
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The art of saying no
- Bu sahifa navigatsiya:
- PART III 10 STRATEGIES FOR SAYING NO (WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A JERK)
- STRATEGY 1: BE DIRECT AND STRAIGHTFORWARD
Part III: 10 Strategies For
Saying No (Without Feeling Like A Jerk). We’re going to cover a variety of ways you can turn down requests with grace, poise, and integrity. Are you ready to vanquish your inner people pleaser? If so, grab a beverage, get comfortable, and read on… PART III 10 STRATEGIES FOR SAYING NO (WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A JERK) The biggest challenge you face when learning to say no is overcoming the feelings of guilt, fear, and shame that surface when you disappoint people. That’s no small task. In many cases, it requires unraveling years of training. Some of us, myself included, have spent the majority of our lives accommodating others. We’ve trained ourselves through continuous application to put others before ourselves. Reversing that habit will take a fair amount of time and effort. The good news is, anybody can do it. If you’re willing to apply the tactics I’ll share with you in the following pages, you’ll gradually curb your people-pleasing tendencies. As you say no more and more often, you’ll discover that doing so gives you the freedom to spend your time pursuing more productive and rewarding endeavors. As I mentioned earlier, this isn’t about refusing to help people. Rather, the goal is to learn how to say no without feeling guilty when you know it’s the best decision given your circumstances. With that out of the way, let’s jump in and discuss Strategy #1. STRATEGY #1: BE DIRECT AND STRAIGHTFORWARD D oes the following scenario sound familiar? Someone asks you for help. The problem is, you’re swamped with projects, and consequently lack the time to lend a hand. You know you must say no to the person’s request. There’s no other option given the volume of work on your plate. But you don’t respond with “I’m sorry. I’m unable to help you.” Instead, you hem and haw, and eventually say “Ummm… maybe, but I’m kinda busy. I don’t know how much time I can spare.” This sends a mixed message to the requestor. It tells him or her that you’re otherwise engaged, but may be receptive to the request. It signals that you might be persuaded to set aside your responsibilities to accommodate him or her. The requestor is likely to take advantage of the opportunity by conveying a heightened sense of urgency (e.g. “This is super important, and I really need your help right now!”). When you waffle in response to a request, you inadvertently welcome increased pressure from the requestor. The individual asking for your time will take your waffling as a sign of indecision. He or she will recognize that you can be coaxed toward his or her ends, even if that means you risk missing your own deadlines. For this reason, it’s always better to be clear when you decline requests. Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t equivocate, hoping that it’ll pacify the requestor (it won’t). Instead, be candid about your unwillingness to consent to his or her request. Being straightforward when turning down requests doesn’t mean you’re being discourteous. In fact, your candidness is likely to be appreciated by the requestor, who’ll know that trying to persuade your accommodation will be a waste of time. The individual can spend that time more wisely looking elsewhere for assistance. It helps to have a reason for saying no. Your reason validates your inability and/or unwillingness to lend a hand. For example, consider the following two responses to a request for help… 1. “I don’t have time to help you.” 2. “I don’t have time to help you because I’m working on a crucial report that’s due in two hours.” The first response prompts the requestor to wonder whether your refusal to help is a personal rejection. That can lead to a confrontation, which helps neither party. The second response eliminates rejection as a possibility. Instead, it justifies your decision as reasoned and practical. The requestor may dislike your decision, but will be more likely to accept it at face value. Be honest about your reason for turning down the requestor. Resist the temptation to make something up. Not only will you feel guilty for lying, but the requestor is likely to notice your lack of sincerity. And that may cause him or her to become resentful toward you. The best approach is to be direct, honest, and respectful. |
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