The feedback for your writing

THE FEEDBACK FOR YOUR WRITING:


**Original Sentence 1:** "The bar chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational settings in the UK,both in 2010."


**Explanation/Feedback 1:** The first sentence is clear and provides an overview of what the chart depicts. However, it could be improved by breaking it into two sentences for better readability.


**Revised Sentence 1:** The bar chart displays the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational settings in the UK. This data is specific to the year 2010.


**Original Sentence 2:** "There has generally been a rapid increase 95% in pre-school womens.and nursery mans decrease 5%."


**Explanation/Feedback 2:** This sentence is quite unclear due to the lack of proper structure and punctuation. You should specify what experienced the 95% increase and the 5% decrease.


**Revised Sentence 2:** There has been a significant increase of 95% in the number of female teachers in pre-school settings. Conversely, the number of male teachers in nursery settings decreased by 5%.


**Original Sentence 3:** "In primary school,mens increased by half."


**Explanation/Feedback 3:** This sentence is somewhat unclear. Did the number of male teachers increase by half, or are you trying to say it increased to half?


**Revised Sentence 3:** In primary schools, the number of male teachers increased by 50%.


**Original Sentence 4:** "The collage had equal numbers of male and female teachers."


**Explanation/Feedback 4:** It's unclear what "collage" refers to. Did you mean "college"?


**Revised Sentence 4:** The college had an equal number of male and female teachers.


**Original Sentence 5:** "The primary school and the private training of institut are in the opposite from viz.the number of women exceeteded the ratio of men to the number of women men."


**Explanation/Feedback 5:** This sentence is confusing and contains grammatical errors. It's unclear what you're trying to convey.


**Revised Sentence 5:** The primary school and the private training institute had contrasting trends. In primary schools, the number of female teachers exceeded the number of male teachers.


**Original Sentence 6:** "At the university,men rose 30 times,while women reached 70."


**Explanation/Feedback 6:** The numbers here are unclear. It would be better to provide specific percentages or ratios.


**Revised Sentence 6:** At the university, the number of male teachers increased significantly, while the number of female teachers also saw a substantial rise, but specific percentages or numbers are needed for clarity.


**Feedback and Recommendations:**
Your writing has several grammatical and clarity issues. The sentences need better structure and punctuation for improved understanding. When discussing numerical changes, specify the actual percentages or numbers for clarity.


**Band Score Estimate:**
Given the grammatical errors, clarity issues, and lack of specific numerical data, this writing appears to be at a Band 4 level. To achieve a higher band score, work on improving clarity, accuracy, and the structure of your sentences.