The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

DIG Deep
Get Deliberate: A good friend of mine heard this wonderful intention-setting reminder during a
Twelve Step meeting. I love it! It’s called the vowel check: AEIOUY.
A = Have I been Absti nent today? (However you defi ne that—I fi nd i t a l i ttl e more chal l engi ng when i t comes to thi ngs l i k e food, work , and the computer.)
E = Have I Exerci sed today?
I = What have I done for mysel f today?
O = What have I done for Others today?
U = Am I hol di ng on to Unexpressed emoti ons today?
Y = Yeah! What i s somethi ng good that’s happened today?
Get Inspired: I’m inspired by this quote from writer and researcher Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: “People
are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets
in, their beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” I really do believe the light that I saw
within the resilient people I interviewed was their spirit. I love the idea of being “lit from within.”
Get Going: I love daily meditations and prayers. Sometimes the best way for me to get going is quiet
prayer.
How do you DIG Deep?

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Earlier I mentioned how surprised I was to see certain concepts from my research emerge in pairs or
groups. These “collections of concepts” have created major paradigm shifts for me in terms of the
way I think about my life and the choices I make every day.
A good example of this is the way that love and belonging go together. Now I understand that in
order to feel a true sense of belonging, I need to bring the real me to the table and that I can only do
that if I’m practicing self-love. For years I thought it was the other way around: I’ll do whatever it
takes to fit in, I’ll feel accepted, and that will make me like myself better. Just typing those words and
thinking about how many years I spent living that way makes me weary. No wonder I was tired for so
long!
In many ways, this research has not only taught me new ways to think about how I want to live and
love, it’s taught me about the relationship between my experiences and choices. One of the most
profound changes in my life happened when I got my head around the relationship between gratitude
and joy. I always thought that joyful people were grateful people. I mean, why wouldn’t they be? They
have all of that goodness to be grateful for. But after spending countless hours collecting stories
about joy and gratitude, three powerful patterns emerged:
Without exception, every person I interviewed who described living a joyful life or who
described themselves as joyful, actively practiced gratitude and attributed their joyfulness to their
gratitude practice.
Both joy and gratitude were described as spiritual practices that were bound to a belief in human
interconnectedness and a power greater than us.
People were quick to point out the differences between happiness and joy as the difference
between a human emotion that’s connected to circumstances and a spiritual way of engaging with
the world that’s connected to practicing gratitude.