you can do to help her get happy again or tell her what you need her to
learn.
Offer Options.
Kids love to choose. So if
your child is insisting on
using a breakable glass you might say, “No glass! No glass, sweetheart.
Let’s get one of your cool superhero cups. Which one has more
supermojo, Spider-Man or Batman?”
If
whining is a problem, you might say to your three-year-old, “Hillary
says, ‘Mommy
listen … now!’ I know you want Mommy to listen,
sweetheart. So, do you want to use your big-girl voice or a baby voice?
You pick. But my ears can’t listen to that yucky whining voice. It’s too
yucky.”
Give your tot many chances a day to pick what she wants and she’ll
give in much faster when you want her to go along with
your choice.
Give Her What She Wants in Fantasy.
When your tot can’t get
what she wants,
at least spend a minute pretending she could (see the
cartoon on
this page
). For example, if your three-year-old is whining for
a doll in a store, say, “You l-o-v-e those dolls!
I wish I could give you a
hundred of them. One hundred dolls would be sooo much fun! We could
cover your whole bed with them! Which ones would you pick? Would
you give some to your friends, too?”
This may sound like a tease, but it’s not at all. It’s
a fantastic way to
make your child feel heard. Remember, more than anything in the world
—including those dolls—your child wants your respect, love, and caring.
Your willingness to play this little game is
a huge consolation prize to
her: I can’t really give you what you want, but I
can give it to you in
fantasy. It will go a long way toward comforting her even though she
doesn’t actually get the thing she craves.
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