•
Criticize the behavior, not the child. Say, “No picking flowers”
rather than “Bad boy.”
• Teach your child the results of his behavior: “Chasing the dog
makes him scared and mad, and he might bite.”
• Gossip your disapproval to a stuffed
animal or to Grandma on
the phone. Gossiping dramatically boosts the attention your little
one pays to your criticism:
Jessica hated it when her 3-year-old shoved her 9-
month-old, Camille, and then refused to apologize. It
was futile trying to make Lucy say she was sorry. So
instead, as soon as Lucy pushed Camille, Jessica
would turn her back on Lucy and gossip to Camille
(loud enough so her big sister could hear): “It makes
you sad when Lucy pushes you,” Jessica said. “You
say, ‘Pushing hurts! I don’t like it!’ But if Sister says
she’s sorry, it will make Mommy very, very happy!”
Amazingly, Lucy began to say she was sorry. And
when she did, Jessica would immediately turn to Lucy
and quietly say, “Hey, nice
apology, honey. Thanks.” Then she would turn to
Camille and whisper, “Camille, did you hear? Lucy
said she’s sorry. Yea, Lucy! I like that.”
Finally, Jessica would toss out a tiny reward to
both of them and chirp, “Hey, come on, everybody,
let’s go get some lemonade!”
When little Melodie kept forgetting to put her socks in
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