hate picking cards up by yourself. You say, ‘Please help.
P-l-e-a-s-e!’ You threw them, but you want me to help.
Hmmm, okay, if you pick up the first one, I’ll pick up,
hmmm, how many? Two? Three? How many do you think
I should pick up?”
By Roarke’s
fifth birthday, Amy can expect much more responsible
behavior from him. But during the toddler years, her wise goal is to
respectfully validate his feelings while reminding him that he’s
expected
to make a few baby steps of cooperation.
The connect-with-respect approach will stop many, many irksome
behaviors. But, if it’s not doing the trick,
try offering a win-win
compromise. (Of course, if your tot’s actions or attitude are
totally
bugging you, you can immediately administer a
mild consequence; see
this page
.)
The Ancient Art of Saving Face
Have you ever heard the term “saving face”? Here “face” means
“self-respect.” Saving face means allowing someone to keep his
dignity, even when he doesn’t get his way.
Ambassadors know that shaming and disrespect are so tough to
take that they can even trigger a war! That’s why master diplomats
always help their opponents save face. They know that allowing
dignity in defeat is important because it builds forgiveness and
friendship.
Saving face is important to all of us, but it is superimportant to
primitive peoples like our upset toddlers!
