like what came next.”
—Hillary about her mother, Mary,
who raised seven kids
When 18-month-old Aaron was about to whack his pal
Tomas over a disputed toy, Aaron’s mom, Joy, frowned,
stomped her foot, shook her head, and growled. Then she
waved her hands as if to indicate “The deal’s off! ” and
gruffly said, “Mad! Mad!!!! Aaron mad!! Aaron says,
‘No, Tomas! No truck!’ Aaron mad … mad!!”
In an instant, Aaron lowered his hand. Joy said, “No
hit. Good boy! Come on, kids … let’s get some juice!”
Later in the day, when tempers cooled, Joy “gossiped”
about the incident to Aaron’s teddy: “Mr. Teddy, I said,
‘No hit, no hit!’ And Aaron stopped fast. Aaron was a
very good listener! ”
When your child heeds your warning, reward him right away with a
smidge of attention, praise, or play.
This teaches him,
You be good to me
and I’ll be good to you. However, if his annoying behavior continues, it’s
time for a slightly stronger consequence (kind ignoring).
Kind Ignoring: Give Your Tot a Little Cold Shoulder
When
your child is scared or hurt, you should do everything you can to
soothe her. But there are two situations where your attention actually
prolongs upsets:
• With a child whose tears keep flowing because she’s in front of
an
audience—the drama queen scenario.
• With superstubborn kids who are so
proud that they’re forced to
continue their protests as long as you are watching them.
In both of these situations, you need to remove the “spotlight” (your
attention) and do some kind ignoring.
What It Is:
Kind ignoring
is giving your child a teensy cold shoulder
to nudge her back to cooperation.
Now, when I say “ignore” I don’t mean you should be rude or cruel or
turn your back on really bad behavior. This type of ignoring also
shouldn’t be done
when your child is frightened, hurt, or genuinely sad.
But when you feel your child is being unreasonable and stubborn, a little
kind ignoring can be perfect.
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