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Yellow-Light Skill #4: Mild
Consequences
How to deliver clear warnings … and mild penalties.
If all else fails and your child’s yellow-light behaviors are just not
stopping, it may be time for a mild consequence. Here are the two that I
use the most: clap-growl warnings and kind ignoring.
Clap-Growl Warnings: Get Your Child’s Attention
Fast

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If your toddler continues the annoying behavior even after you
respectfully acknowledge her and offer an option or compromise, try
clap-growl. Even a one-year-old will get the message that you’re out of
patience and a real penalty is coming if she doesn’t stop … fast.
For example, if your two-year-old threatens to dump spaghetti on her
head, what do you think would stop her faster: saying “No” with a big
grin on your face, or frowning, clapping your hands hard, and growling,
“Nooooo!”?
What It Is:
All kids (even uncivilized tots) understand that a few
hard claps and a low grrrrrrrrrowl mean “Stop … now … or you won’t like
what happens next!” (Bonus: A few hard claps also help us vent a bit of
anger, without resorting to spanking or yelling.)
I admit this sounds, well, undignified. But as you know by now, kids
who are upset rely on their right brain, which is not good at words but is
great at understanding non-verbal communication, including voice,

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facial expressions, and gestures. Clap-growl warnings can quickly
connect with upset toddlers and often stop annoying behaviors in
seconds!
Best Used For:
All toddlers, starting at 9 months.
How to Do It:
Step 1: Clap. Clap your hands three to four times, hard and fast.
(It’s meant to be a little startling.) As you clap, you can stand or
kneel, but you must remain a bit above your child’s eye level (to
emphasize your authority).
Step 2: Growl. Put a scowl on your face and make a deep, rumbling
growl. If it works and your child stops quickly, immediately do a
little FFR +Toddler-ese, and then feed the meter a bit (with
hugging, attention, play, or playing the boob) to show you
appreciate your little one’s cooperation.
Warning: The first time you growl, your child may smile or even growl
back! Don’t worry. That may mean your growl was too sweet (she thinks
it’s a game) or she wants you to smile … so you won’t be mad. Simply
answer her growl with a couple of double takes (see box below) and
then growl again.