The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block 2-Book Bundle pdfdrive com

Use the FFR to Replace Some Old
Bad Habits
Many of us would never make it as order-takers at Busy Burger. That’s
because too often, we cut in line in front of our little child to give our
message without first acknowledging his feelings.
Perhaps we feel that our busy schedules—or our wish to make our
toddlers feel better fast—justify our pushing their feelings aside and
taking a turn first. We don’t mean to be rude. But that’s how it feels to a
young child when we skip the FFR.

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Throughout time, parents have used all sorts of techniques to stop
their kids in the middle of what should be their turn. For example:
Threatening:  “Stop whining or we’re leaving.”
Questioning:  “What are you afraid of?”
Shame:
“How dare you yell at Grandma!”
Ignoring:
Turning your back and leaving.
Distracting:  “Look at the pretty kitty in the window.”
Reasoning:  “But, honey, there are no more cookies.”
Did your parents say these things when you were growing up? How did
they make you feel?
Here are the four most frequent bad habits we fall into when we
“elbow” our tot’s feelings aside so we can take the first turn :
• criticizing with hurtful words
• making unfair comparisons
• trying rude distractions
• rushing to “make it all better”
As you develop your skill with the FFR, you’ll drop these like four hot
potatoes!
Hurtful Words
“Kimmie, you’re as stubborn as a mule!”
“You’re a scaredy-cat.”

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“You’re a scaredy-cat.”
“Why are you so hyper?”
“Don’t be dumb.”
No parent gets up in the morning thinking of ways to crush his child’s
confidence with ridicule and sarcasm. That’s why I’m always amazed to
see parents assaulting their kids with words like “retard,” “idiot,” and
“whiner”—words they’d never allow a stranger to call their child.
Name-calling becomes increasingly hurtful to kids around two years of
age because middle toddlers are superfocused on words and they care a
lot about what others think.
Often, angry words slip out on a momentary impulse … perhaps
echoing mean names thrown at us long ago. (Can you remember being
called names when you were growing up? What were they? Does
thinking about them still bring up feelings of anger or hurt?)
Verbal attacks can scar like knives. Insults can brutalize a child as
much as slapping him. A few cruel remarks can wipe out a hundred hugs
and trigger burning resentment or feelings of worthlessness. And what’s
even more outrageous is that these names … are always lies! Calling
your child a “meathead” is a lie because it focuses on a momentary
screwup but ignores the fifteen times he did things well.