Children
Q: Don’t I get to speak first? After all, I am the parent.
A: Of course
your child must respect you, and you’ll have many
opportunities to teach her that. But when she’s upset, insisting that she
wait for you to talk first will make her feel unloved.
We’re forever reminding kids to wait their turn. Well, the best way to
teach that is to practice what we preach.
Q: I find the Fast-Food Rule a bit unnatural. Will I ever get used to it?
A: Like any new skill, it takes practice. But most parents find that the
FFR becomes almost automatic after just a week or two.
Q: If my child falls and doesn’t cry, do I have to use the FFR?
A: The FFR says to mirror a bit of your child’s response. So if your child
doesn’t
seem upset about the fall, just casually comment, “Wow! You
fell. That was a big boom.”
Q: Should I use the FFR when I think my son’s complaints are
unreasonable?
A: Initially, yes. You’ll have an easier time getting him to respect
your
view if you first let him know that you see
his side of things.
Q: Do I ever get to give my message first?
A: Sure.
Remember, the FFR says, “Whoever is most upset goes first.”
Usually that’s your toddler, but
you go first if she’s
in danger, being
aggressive, or breaking an important family rule (see
Chapter 7
). After
all, in those situations you’re the one who is most upset.
So if your daughter runs into the street when she’s having a tantrum,
you go first!
Run and grab her and say, “
No! No street!
Danger! ” Then,
once you’re safely back on the sidewalk, you should take a minute to
acknowledge her feelings.
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