The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block 2-Book Bundle pdfdrive com

Watching Parents and Kids … in the Wild!
Here’s a fun way to help you see how other parents handle their
toddlers’ struggles. Go to a park and look for kids who are upset (if
it is a busy park, you should easily be able to find several). When a
child cries, listen to what the mom (or dad) says. Does she repeat
back her child’s upset (like the order-taker saying “Burger and
fries?”) or does she jump too fast to her turn, using distraction,
explanation, or name-calling?
“But Dr. Karp, I Sound

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Demented!”
Ernst and his Danish wife, Katrina, are the parents of
two-year-old Rolf. A few months after explaining Toddler-
ese to them, I asked if they’d tried it. Katrina said,
“Toddler-ese feels funny for us—a little too dramatic. The
Danes don’t like to go ‘over the top’ like that.”
Don’t be surprised if you too feel a bit awkward—okay, down-right weird
—when you start using Toddler-ese … wherever you’re from. But I hope
you’ll open your mind and try it anyway. I promise that your child will
quickly become more patient, less defiant, and much happier.
But in case you are still feeling skeptical, here are some answers to
common parental concerns that may help to ease your mind:
“It Feels Like Baby Talk.”
Toddler-ese isn’t baby talk. It’s toddler talk! Sure it’s immature, but when
our uncivilized little kids “go ape,” their language-loving left brains
temporarily stop working well. That’s why this simple speaking style is
the best way to make them feel understood and loved.
Think of it this way: When you read to your little toddler, do you start
out with books like War and Peace or even Charlotte’s Web? I doubt it.
The books that most tiny tykes love usually have a literary style that’s no
more complex than “Mmm, yummy apple” or “See Spot run!”
And besides, you’ll only be using Toddler-ese during times of upset.
The rest of the day you’ll be chatting away with your little one in your
normal style of speech. So don’t worry about stunting your child’s
language skills; you won’t.
“I Worry I’ll Turn My Child into a Drama Queen.”

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“I Worry I’ll Turn My Child into a Drama Queen.”
I know that some experts warn parents that paying attention to a child
who’s acting up will only reinforce the misbehavior. They say we should
turn away from the crying and turn back only when she stops, rewarding
her self-calming with some loving attention.
I agree that kids who engage in prolonged periods of whining often
need to be briefly ignored to avoid accidentally rewarding their behavior
(see the Law of the Soggy Potato Chip on
this page
and kind ignoring
on
this page
). But even if your child is overdoing it and “yanking your
chain,” the best response is to start out by using the Fast-Food Rule—
aimed at the sweet spot—to sympathetically acknowledge her feelings,
and only resort to ignoring if the FFR doesn’t calm her down.
The world is tough and often disrespectful or uninterested in a child’s
feelings. If you ignore your little one each time she’s very upset, she may
come to believe that you’re not interested in her true feelings and learn
to keep them buried deep inside.
“It Feels Like Teasing.”
In the past, you may have heard people mirroring someone’s feelings to
mock or ridicule them. But Toddler-ese is actually the opposite of
teasing. That’s because the mirroring is never overdone (remember the
sweet spot) and is understated and performed with genuine compassion,
sincerity, and respect.
“It Feels Like I Am Giving In to Bad Behavior.”
Absolutely not! Respectful listening doesn’t mean caving in or being a
wimp. You can be both understanding and a tough disciplinarian: “Shari,
I know Richard took your block and you’re mad, mad, mad! But, no
scratch! No scratch! Stop now!”

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Remember, there’s a huge difference between angry feelings and angry
actions. Yes, you have to discourage misbehavior, but it’s superimportant
that your child know that you understand how she feels, and you care,
even if you disagree. Toddlers whose parents always acknowledge their
fears and frustrations grow up emotionally healthy, feeling comfortable
in their own skin.
“It Feels Embarrassing!”
Okay, I admit Toddler-ese is embarrassing! However, when your
primitive little friend has a hissy fit in aisle six at the grocery store
you’re going to be embarrassed no matter what. So, really, you have
only two choices:
You can be embarrassed big-time as you drag your child out of the
store (as she’s screaming and hitting and knocking things off the
shelves), leaving your shopping undone and both of you mad.
Or, you can be embarrassed on a lesser scale as you get down on her
level and mirror some of her upset for a minute. But with this second
option, the tantrum will probably end fast, you’ll avoid lingering
resentment, and you can get on with your plans.
Toddler-ese may draw stares from surprised passersby, but it works.
And when other parents see how quickly your child calms, they’ll be
asking you for pointers!
“It Feels Unnatural, Like I’m an Actor.”
Some parents say Toddler-ese feels unnatural, artificial, overly dramatic.
But in truth, we rarely talk to toddlers in a normal adult style. For
example, do you matter-of-factly ask your tot, “How was breakfast?” Or
do you sweetly chirp, “Mmm! Yummy, huh?”
When our kids are happy and excited we naturally reflect that in our
voice and expressions. And when they’re a little bit sad we instinctively

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mirror that back in perfect Toddler-ese. So in most situations this
approach feels totally comfortable. But when our kids are very upset,
suddenly we forget our Toddler-ese and start speaking to them in an
overly flat tone of voice because we think it will calm them down. But as
far as they’re concerned, that is what’s really unnatural. And it’s not
usually calming or reassuring anyway.