high-heel shoes. Several times a day she begged to put
them on. But her mom, Charlene, was afraid they’d
be ruined.
After learning about The Happiest Toddler,
Charlene tried the new approach. She narrated her
daughter’s desire four to five times (reflecting enough
of her emotion to hit the “sweet spot”). Then she
offered a solution: Phoebe’s choice of three other
pairs of shoes. But Phoebe’s eyes were locked on to
her favorite ones as she wailed pitifully, “Choos!
Choos!” over and over … and over!
After 20 seconds of connecting with respect,
Charlene changed her tactic to kind ignoring.
Energetically pointing to the shoes, she exclaimed,
“Shoes! Shoes! You want shoes. You want shoes now!
But Mommy says, ‘No! No shoes!’ So you go ahead
and cry—I love you so much—and I’ll be back in just
a minute.”
Phoebe got so mad she gave a glass-shattering
shriek and started to knock things off the table. At
that point, Charlene decided that Phoebe was
breaking an important family rule and needed to be
stopped immediately before she broke something. So
she clapped her hands hard a few times to get
Phoebe’s attention, and said, “No throwing! No
throwing!” And she carried Phoebe to her room and
set the timer for an immediate time-out.
Time-Out: The Basic Rules
Does the idea of giving a time-out make you nervous? Most of us feel
awkward when we do something new (like
the first time we fed or
bathed our baby). Here are some tips to help it go well:
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