Step 1: One last warning. Use clap-growl and connect with
respect one last time, to get your child’s attention and show that
you care. If the problem stops, silently congratulate yourself—
you sidestepped a conflict.
For example, if your two-year-old is having a meltdown at the
dinner table because you won’t let him play with the sugar bowl,
clap-growl, frown, and shake your head “no” (even do a double
take). Once you have his attention say, “Mad. Mad. Jamie’s mad
at Daddy. He’s mad, mad, mad! Jamie wants the sugar, now!
But … no sugar! No sugar! But you know what? Daddy’s gonna
let you hold something else. Do you want to hold a piece of
bread or your police car?”
Step 2: Count to three. If your child ignores your warning, put on
a serious face and calmly echo his desire; then say “No,” and
count to three. (Wait one to two seconds between each number
and count on your fingers too, so your child can see and hear
you at the same time. “Jamie says, ‘Sugar, now!’ but Daddy says,
‘No way.’ Does Jamie want a time-out to get calm again?
One … two … three …”)
You want your child to learn that the time-out is something he’s
doing to himself (not something you’re doing to be mean). Think
of it like a sports time-out … a short break in the action: “I guess
you want a little time to cool off.”
If your child stops misbehaving before you get to three, don’t do
a time-out. Reward his cooperation with some FFR and feeding
the meter with a little time-in, playing the boob, or a hand
check. Later on, compliment his good listening with a bit of
praise and gossip, and a little bedtime sweet talk before you turn
out the lights.
Step 3: Put your child in isolation. Now the time for talking is
over. Calmly lead him (or, if you have to, carry him) to the time-
out place: “Come with Daddy so you can get calm again.”
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