“Mad … mad … mad! Sara mad! Sara wants cookie …
now! Cookie!!”
Parents who respond by immediately voicing their adult views or
distraction are like impatient fast-food order-takers who jump right to
their message (“You owe five dollars”) without repeating the order.
That’s why answering your two-year-old’s whines for a premeal cookie
by narrating her feelings (“Cookie! Cookie! You want cookie! You want
cookie, now!”) provokes less crying than jumping right to your message,
“No, honey. No cookies before dinner!”
Once your child begins to quiet, it becomes your turn to give a
message (“But nooo, sweetheart. You know the rule: Cookies are after
dinner.”).
Linda used this approach to neatly sidestep a potentially
unsafe struggle when her toddler loudly protested getting
out of the bathtub:
“Our three-year-old, Jasmine, hates getting out of the tub.
She would stay in there all day if she could. One day,
when it was time for her to get out I gave her the two-
minute warning and the one-minute warning. Then I
turned the water off and she freaked and started yelling,
‘No! No! I don’t want to get out; I don’t want to get out.’
“I remembered the Toddler-ese and I energetically
waved my finger, frowned a bit, and echoed her words,
‘No, no, no! I don’t want to get out! I want to stay in the
bathtub! I don’t want to get out!’
“I was stunned! Within seconds, she just looked at me
and stopped crying.
“Then, in a calmer voice I said, ‘Jasmine, I know you
don’t want to get out, but it’s time to go; we have to get
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