“Tess is bilingual—she talks and screams.”
—Ted, dad of 20-month-old Tess
All toddlers have tantrums.… It’s normal!
These little explosions can make us feel frustrated and attacked, but
please don’t take the wailing and flailing personally. Tantrums are not a
sign that you’re a bad parent or that you have a bad child. Even adults
drop down an emotional elevator and act uncivilized when we’re upset.
But remember, our toddlers are pretty uncivilized to begin with, so when
they get upset they often scratch, spit, shriek, and act totally prehistoric!
The good news is that the techniques in this chapter will help you to
defuse most “screaming meanie” attacks as fast as a bomb squad.
But before looking at how to stop and prevent your toddler’s
meltdowns, I want to make sure you understand why almost all toddlers
tantrum from time to time.
Why Do Toddlers Have Tantrums?
Tantrums usually peak at 18 to 24 months, subside a little, and then
peak again around three and a half years. At these ages your child’s
brain is virtually bubbling over with an intense and explosive mix of
primitive impulses: greed, stubbornness, aggression, and impatience.
And when you combine the “nitro” of your tot’s passionate “Mine!” with
the “glycerine” of your adamant “No way!” … you’ve got some really,
really powerful TNT. Kapow!
Other factors that push our sweet little toddlers into maniac mode
include:
They Don’t Speak Well.
Wouldn’t you get frustrated if you lived
somewhere you couldn’t speak the language? Well, your toddler also
gets irritated when she can’t communicate. No wonder little kids with
limited language skills often resort to nontalking forms of
communication like foot stomping, arm waving, eye bulging, and
screaming!
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