The Little Book of Yes: How to Win Friends, Boost Your Confidence and Persuade Others

ON GIFTING
Remember, it’s OK to ask people what they want. They will end
up happier and so will you.
Which means that it is perfectly OK to tell people what you
want, too.
Next time you buy something for anyone – whether it’s a bottle
of wine or a birthday gift – remember that price is relative – it’s
better to buy something of high quality than high price.

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4
COOPERATING
Thinking ‘we’ rather than ‘you vs me’ will bring people to your
side in more ways than one
In December 1914, Europe remained locked in the bloodiest struggle it had
ever known. The opposing armies along the Western Front were in close
proximity; in many places they were within shouting distance. And as
weeks stretched into months, the soldiers became increasingly familiar with
their equivalents in the opposite trenches.
Gradually, cooperation between the two sides became more prevalent.
This began with enemy troops deliberately holding their fire so that
comrades could retrieve the bodies of their fallen soldiers during the night.
These ceasefires laid the foundations for the legendary Christmas Truce
of World War I. The story goes, for a few hours on Christmas Day, 1914,
the troops on either side of the enemy lines declared a spontaneous
ceasefire. Soldiers came out of their trenches and would-be adversaries
came together to play a game of football.
When individuals, or even enemies, come together in order to reach
common goals it can seem at odds with what many people assume is a dog-
eat-dog evolutionary mentality. It’s no wonder that the Christmas Truce has
become one of the most famous stories of war. In a world where conflict
and collaboration seem diametrically opposed, it’s an inspiring story of an
interlude among troops showing how even bitter foes can work out rituals
of cooperation.
It might seem hard: we tend to think of ourselves as separate from others.
We often think in terms of ‘You’ and ‘Me’ or ‘Them’ and ‘Us’, caught in
tribe mentalities where it’s everyone for themselves. But cooperation is
crucial to persuasion. And if we focus on what binds rather than divides us

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then it becomes much easier to cooperate, and eventually to persuade.
Think ‘We’ rather than ‘You’ vs ‘Me’.
This was the case with the Christmas Truce. It was the common identity
of being soldiers and a common love of football that led, at least for a
while, to cooperation between enemies. And finding areas in which to
cooperate and highlighting shared interest is still just as powerful today.
In a wonderful series of studies, British psychologist Mark Levine asked
groups of staunch Manchester United supporters to complete a
questionnaire asking what they liked about their team, before asking them
to walk to a second building in order to complete the next stage of the
study. En route they witnessed someone (who was part of the study)
tripping over and supposedly injuring themselves. Sometimes the injured