13 Things Mentally Strong People Don\'t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success pdfdrive com

MAKE PEACE WITH THE PAST
When James Barrie was six years old, his thirteen-year-old brother, David, died
in an ice skating accident. Although his mother had ten children total, it was no
secret that David had been her favorite. After his death, she was so distraught
she could hardly cope with life.
So at the age of six, Barrie did everything he could to compensate for his
mother’s grief. He even tried to take over the role of David to help fill the void
his mother felt from his death. He dressed in David’s clothing and learned how
to whistle the same way David used to. He became her constant companion as he
devoted his entire childhood to trying to make his mother smile again.
Despite Barrie’s attempts to make his mother happy, she often warned him
about the hardships of being an adult. She told him to never grow up because
adulthood was only filled with grief and unhappiness. She even said she took
some relief knowing that David would never have to grow up and face the
realities of adulthood.
In an attempt to please his mother, Barrie resisted maturity as much as he
could. He especially didn’t want to grow any older than David had been when
he’d passed away. He tried with all his might to remain a child. His attempts to
stay a boy even seemed to stunt his physical growth as he hardly reached five
feet tall.
After he finished school, Barrie wanted to become an author. But his family
pressured him to go on to study at a university, because that’s what David would
have done. So Barrie found a compromise—he’d continue his education but he’d
study literature.
Barrie went on to pen one of the most famous works of children’s literature,
Peter Pan, or the Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up. Originally written as a play,
which later became a famous movie, the main character, Peter Pan, faces the
conflict between the innocence of childhood and the responsibility of adulthood.
Peter chooses to remain a child and encourages all the other children to do the
same. As the legendary fairy tale, it seems like a delightful children’s story. But

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when you know the author’s history, the anecdote is quite tragic.
Barrie’s mother couldn’t move forward after the death of her son. She was
convinced that childhood was the best time of her life and that the present and
future were only riddled with pain and agony. As an extreme case of someone
who dwelled on the past, she allowed it to interfere with the well-being of her
children. It affected Barrie not just during his childhood, but also throughout his
adulthood.
The misconceptions we hold about grief can contribute to our choice to live in
the past. Many people wrongly believe that the amount of time you grieve over
someone is directly proportional to the amount of love you had for someone. If
you cared a little about someone who died, you may grieve for months. But if
you really loved that person, you’d grieve for years or even for the rest of your
life. But the truth is, there isn’t a right amount of time to grieve. In fact, you may
grieve for years, or even forever, but the amount of sadness you feel doesn’t
equate to the amount of love you had for that person.
Hopefully, you have many cherished memories of your loved one. But moving
forward means actively working toward creating new memories for yourself,
making the best decisions for you, and not always doing what someone else
would want you to do.
If you find yourself ruminating on some aspect of your past, you may need to
take action to make peace with the past. Here are some ways to make peace with
the past:
• Give yourself permission to move forward. Sometimes you just need to give
yourself permission to move forward. Moving forward doesn’t mean you
have to leave your memories of a loved one behind, but it does mean you can
do the things you need to do to enjoy the moment and get the most you can
out of life.
• Recognize the emotional toll of dwelling on the past versus moving forward.
Sometimes dwelling on the past is a strategy that works in the short term but
not in the long term. If you think about the past, you don’t have to focus on
what’s going on right now. But, over the long term, there are consequences.
Recognize what you’ll miss out on in life if your attention is focused on the
past.

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• Practice forgiveness. Whether you’re dwelling on past hurt and anger
because you can’t forgive yourself or because you can’t forgive someone
else, forgiveness can help you let go of that hurt. Forgiveness doesn’t mean
forgetting something happened. If someone hurt you, you can forgive them
while still deciding not to have any more contact, for example. Instead, focus
on letting go so you don’t stay consumed with the hurt and anger.
• Change behavior that keeps you stuck in the past. If you find yourself
avoiding certain activities—because you are afraid it will drudge up bad
memories or because you feel like you don’t deserve to do them—consider
doing them anyway. You can’t change the past. But you can choose to accept
it. If you’ve made mistakes, you can’t go back and fix them or erase them.
You may be able to try and take steps to repair some of the damage you’ve
caused, but it won’t make everything better.
• Seek professional help if necessary. Sometimes traumatic events can lead to
mental health issues, like post-traumatic stress disorder. Near-death
experiences, for example, can lead to flashbacks and nightmares that make it
difficult to make peace with the past. Professional counseling can help reduce
the distress associated with traumatic memories so you can move forward
more productively.
HOW MAKING PEACE WITH THE PAST
WILL MAKE YOU STRONGER
Wynona Ward grew up in rural Vermont. Her family was poor, and as in many
homes in the area, domestic violence was common. Ward’s father routinely
physically and sexually abused her. She often witnessed her father beating her
mother. Although doctors treated her mother’s wounds and neighbors heard their
screams, no one ever intervened.
Ward kept her family problems a secret. She immersed herself in her
academics and excelled in school. At the age of seventeen, she left home and got
married. She and her husband became over-the-road truck drivers.

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After sixteen years of traveling the country as a truck driver, Ward learned that
her older brother had abused a young family member. It was at that moment that
she decided that she had to do something. She decided to go back to school so
she could help put an end to the generational abuse that was going on within her
family.
Ward enrolled in the University of Vermont and studied from the truck while
her husband drove. She completed her degree and went on to further her
education at Vermont Law School. Upon getting her law degree, she used a
small grant to start Have Justice Will Travel, an organization that serves families
in rural areas affected by domestic violence.
Ward provides rural domestic violence victims with free legal representation.
She also connects them with the appropriate social services. Because many
families lack the resources or transportation to travel to an office, Ward travels to
them. She provides education and services that help families put an end to
generational cycles of abuse. Instead of dwelling on her horrific past, Ward
chooses to focus on what she can do to help other people in the present.
Refusing to dwell on the past doesn’t mean you pretend the past didn’t
happen. In fact, it often means embracing and accepting your experiences so you
can live in the present. Doing so frees up your mental energy and allows you to
plan for your future based on who you want to become, not who you used to be.
Anger, shame, and guilt can run your life if you’re not careful. Letting go of
those emotions helps you to be in charge of your life.