A new Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated

Mother: We had a bad incident this week, and I’m 
not sure I handled it well. 
Therapist: Tell me. 
Mother: Well, I was making pancakes for breakfast. 
Derrick came into the kitchen and said he didn’t 
want pancakes. I told him that’s what was on 
the menu— 
Therapist: Sorry to interrupt, but did you mean to be 
handling eating pancakes with Plan A? 
Mother (smiling): No. 
Therapist: Just curious. Go on. 
Mother: So then he called me a name and ran out of 
the kitchen. I ran after him and told him he was 
grounded for a week for calling me a name. He 
told me to get away from him. I insisted on an 

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192 
The Explosive Child 
immediate apology. He went ballistic for the next 
half hour. 
Therapist: It sounds extremely unpleasant. You 
mentioned that you wished you’d handled things 
differently? 
Mother: First off, I shouldn’t have been doing Plan A 
on the pancakes—I could have helped him find 
something else to eat. 
Therapist: True. You could have done that with Plan B 
or C. Anything else? 
Mother: I guess I shouldn’t get so upset when he 
swears at me. 
Therapist: It’s very hard not to get upset when your 
son calls you a name. But you’ve been punishing 
him for calling you names for a very long time, 
and he still calls you a name every time he gets 
frustrated. So I don’t think he needs any more 
lessons on the importance of not swearing or any 
more motivation not to swear. At the moment, it 
seems pretty clear that Derrick isn’t very good at 
expressing his frustration without swearing. So he 
needs your help. 
Mother: So what should I have said? 
Therapist: Did you have a concern to put on the 
table? Besides the swearing, I mean. 
Mother: Uhm . . . well, I wasn’t dying to make him 
something else . . . you know, we were in a bit of 

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Teach Your Children Well 
193 
a rush. But it’s not like he would have wanted me 
to make him an omelet! No, I guess I really didn’t 
have a concern. 
Therapist: Then you’d have handled it with Plan C, in 
which case you could have said, “I think what 
you’re saying is that you’d like something else to 
eat besides pancakes. What would you like?”