A new Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated

My husband won’t do Plan B. Any advice? 
There are a lot of adults out there who fear that their 
concerns won’t be heard or addressed. So they head straight 
for Plan A when they have a concern. Why are there a lot of 
adults who fear that their concerns won’t be heard or ad-
dressed? Because there are a lot of adults who were raised 
with Plan A as children and their concerns were neither 
heard nor addressed! Adults who are perpetuating the cycle 
by using Plan A to ensure that their concerns are heard and 
addressed often need to be reminded that their concerns 
will be heard and addressed with Plan B as well. Then they 
need guidance on doing Plan B well. 
But my husband says Plan A worked for him. 
Maybe it did. Lucky him. But apparently it’s not work-
ing for his child. If his child is lacking important thinking 

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Learning Curves 
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skills, and if Plan A is simply causing explosions and hostil-
ity and misery, then it’s hard to imagine why your husband 
would want to stick with something that’s not working. 
Maybe he thinks his only other option is Plan C. We’ll have 
to help him learn about that third option. 
My child won’t do Plan B. I’m trying to work things out, 
but he’s not. 
Make sure you read the next chapter. As mentioned 
above, there are a variety of factors that could be interfer-
ing with your child’s ability to do Plan B. So it’s not that he 
doesn’t want to do Plan B, it’s that he’s lacking some of the 
skills required for doing it. You may have some additional 
skills to teach him. 
But when I tell my kid what my concern is, he says he 
doesn’t care. How can I do Plan B with someone who 
doesn’t care? 
Your child doesn’t have to “own” your concern to collab-
orate on solving the problem. The truth is, most adults don’t 
“own” many of the concerns of, for example, their signifi-
cant other. They don’t really care; they just don’t say they 
don’t really care. So your child doesn’t have to care about 
your concern, but he does need to take your concern into 
account to solve the problem in a way that is mutually sat-
isfactory. 

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The Explosive Child