A new Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated

Are safety issues best addressed with Plan A? 
In previous variants of the CPS model, safety was ad-
dressed with Plan A. Now it’s barely addressed with Plan A. 
Why? Because problems that cause children to be unsafe 
don’t get solved with Plan A; they get solved with Plan B. 
Of course, if you see your child doing something unsafe 
(for example, darting into the path of a moving car in a 
parking lot), it’s time for Plan A. Grab his arm, save his life, 
and if he explodes, so be it. But if you’ve noticed that he’s 
chronically darting into the path of moving cars and you’re 
chronically grabbing his arm to save his life, Plan A is clearly 
not getting the job done. Time for Proactive Plan B: 
Parent (Empathy): Clark, I’ve noticed that it’s a little 
hard for you to stay next to me when we’re in 
parking lots. And then we get mad at each 
other because I have to grab you. You know 
what I mean? 
Clark: Yup. 

---

148 
The Explosive Child 
Parent (Define the Problem): The thing is, I can’t let 
you run in front of cars because I don’t want you 
to get hurt. Right? 
Clark: Yup. 
Parent (Invitation): Let’s think of how we can solve 
that problem. Do you have any ideas? 
Clark: Uhm . . . we could not go into parking lots. 
Parent: There’s an idea. The thing is, sometimes we 
have to go into parking lots—like to go food 
shopping or to go to the drugstore. So I don’t know 
if we can stay away from parking lots completely. 
But I bet there’s some way we could be in parking 
lots without me having to worry about you running 
in front of cars. What do you think? 
Clark: You could leave me home with Grammy. 
Parent: I could . . . sometimes. But Grammy can’t 
always look after you when I’m out doing errands.