also smothering him.
Lisa started doing fun things without Jim. She did some of the things that she had been
wanting to do. One night she went out to cat with some girlfriends. Another night she went to a
play. Another night she went to a birthday bowling party.
Simply a Miracle
What amazed her was how quickly their relationship changed. Jim became much more
attentive and interested in her. Within a couple of weeks, Jim started to come back to his old
self again. He was wanting to do fun things with her and started planning dates. He got his
motivation back.
In counseling he said, "I feel so relieved. I feel loved ... when Lisa comes home she is happy to
see me. It feels so good to miss ber when she is gone. It feels good to 'feel' again. I had almost
forgotten what it was like. Before it seemed like nothing I did was good enough. Lisa was
always trying to get me to do things, telling me what to do and asking me questions."
Lisa said, "I realized I was blaming him for my unhappiness. As I took responsibility for my
happiness, I experienced that Jim was more energetic and alive. It's like a miracle. "
OBSTRUCTING THE INTIMACY CYCLE
There are two ways a woman may unknowingly obstruct her male partner's natural intimacy
cycle. They are: (1) chasing him when he pulls away; and (2) punishing him for pulling away.
The following is a list of the most common ways a woman "chases a man" and prevents him
from pulling away:
CHASING BEHAVIORS
1. Physical
When he pulls away, she physically follows him. He may walk into another room and she
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