Bill was confused, because as he listened to her she appeared to get no benefit from his
support. To him she just seemed to be going deeper. To avoid this confusion a man needs to
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remember that sometimes when he is succeeding in supporting a woman she may become even
more upset. Through understanding that a wave must hit bottom before it can rise again he can
release his expectations that she immediately feel better in response to his assistance.
With this new insight, Bill was able to be more understanding and patient with Mary. After
becoming much more successful in supporting Mary in her well, he also learned that there was
no way to predict how long she would be upset; sometimes her well was deeper than at other
times.
RECURRING CONVERSATIONS AND ARGUMENTS
When a woman comes out of the well she becomes her usual loving self again. This positive
shift is generally misunderstood by men. A man typically thinks that whatever was bothering
her is now completely healed or resolved. This is not the case. It is an illusion. Because she is
suddenly more loving and positive he mistakenly thinks all her issues are resolved.
When her wave crashes again, similar issues will arise. When her issues come up again he
becomes impatient, because he thinks they have already been resolved. Without understanding
the wave, he finds it hard to validate and nurture her feelings while she is in the "well."
When a woman's unresolved feelings recur, he may respond inappropriately by saying:
1. "How many times do we have to go through this?"
2. "I've heard all this before."
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