WHEN LOVE FAILS
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Love often fads because people instinctively give what they want. Because a woman's primary
love needs are to be cared for, understood, and so forth, she automatically gives her man a lot of
caring and understanding. To a man this caring support often feels as though she doesn't trust
him. Being trusted is his primary need, not being cared for.
Then, when he doesn't respond positively to her caring she can't understand why he doesn't
appreciate her brand of support. He, of course, is giving his own brand of love, which isn't
what she needs. So they are caught in a loop of failing to fulfill each other's needs.
Beth complained, saying, "I just can't keep giving and not getting back. Arthur doesn't
appreciate what I give. I love him, but he doesn't love me."
Arthur complained, saying, "Nothing I do is ever good enough. I don't know what to do. I've
tried everything and she still doesn't love me. I love her, but it's just not working."
Beth and Arthur have been married for eight years. They both felt like giving up because they
didn't feel loved. Ironically, they both claimed to be giving more love than they were getting
back. Beth believed she was giving more, while Arthur thought he was giving the most. In
truth they were both giving, but neither was getting what they wanted or needed.
They did love each other, but because they didn't understand their partner's primary needs
their love wasn't getting through. Beth was giving what she needed to receive while Arthur was
giving what he wanted. Gradually they burned out.
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