John Gray – Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Scanned by nova scanner: Canoscan D1250 U2f software: Omnipage Pro 9 Date: 28 August 2002 Proofed by

Many people give up when relationships become too difficult. Relationships become easier 
when we understand our partner's primary needs. Without giving more but by giving what is 
required we do not bum out. This understanding of the twelve different kinds of love finally 
explains why our sincere loving attempts fail. To fulfill your partner, you need to learn how to 
give the love he or she primarily needs. 
 
LEARNING TO LISTEN WITHOUT GETTING ANGRY 
 
The number one way a man can succeed in fulfilling a woman's primary love needs is through 
communication. As we have discussed before, communication is particularly Important on 
Venus. By learning to listen to a woman's feelings, a man can effectively shower a woman with 
caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance. 
 
One of the biggest problems men have with listening to women is that they become frustrated 
or angry because they forget that women are from Venus and that they are supposed to 
communicate differently. The chart below outlines some ways to remember these differences 
and makes some suggestions about what to do. 
 
 
HOW TO LISTEN WITHOUT GETTING ANGRY 
What To Remember 
What To Do And What Not To Do 
1. 
Remember 
anger 
comes 
from 
not 
understanding her point of view, and this is never 
her fault. 
1. Take responsibility to under stand. Don't 
blame her for upsetting you. Start again trying to 
understand. 
2. Remember that feelings don't always make 
sense right away, but they're still valid and need 
2. Breathe deeply, don't say any thing! Relax and 
let go of trying to control. Try to imagine how 

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empathy. 
you would feel if you saw the world through her 
eyes. 
3. Remember that anger may come from not 
knowing what to do to make things better. Even if 
she doesn't immediately feel better, your listening 
and understanding are helping. 
3. Don't blame her for not feeling better from 
your solutions. How can she feel better when 
solutions are not what she needs? Resist the urge 
to offer solutions. 
4. Remember you don't have to agree to 
understand her point of view or to be appreciated 
as a good listener. 
4. If you wish to express a differing point of 
view make sure she is finished and then 
rephrase her point of view before giving your 
own. Do not raise your voice. 
5. Remember you don't fully have to understand 
her point of view to succeed in being a good 
listener. 
5. Let her know you don't understand but want 
to. Take responsibility for not understanding; 
don't judge her or imply she can't be 
understood. 
6. Remember you are not responsible for how she 
feels. She may sound as though she is blaming 
you, but she is really trying to be understood. 
6. Refrain from defending yourself until she feels 
that you understand and care. Then it is OK 
gently to explain yourself or to apologize. 
7. Remember that if she makes you really angry 
she is probably mistrusting you. Deep inside her 
is a scared little girl who is afraid of opening up 
and being hurt and who needs your kindness and 
compassion. 
7. Don't argue with her feelings and opinions. 
Take time out and discuss things later when 
there is less emotional charge. Practice the Love 
Utter technique as described in chapter 11.