As men and women learn to support each other in the ways that are most important for their
own unique needs, change and growth will become automatic. With a greater awareness of
your partner's six primary needs you can redirect your loving support according to their needs
and make your relationships dramatically easier and more fulfilling.
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Chapter 9
How to
Avoid Arguments
One of the most difficult challenges in our loving relationships is handling differences and
disagreements. Often when couples disagree their discussions can turn into arguments and
then without much warning into battles. Suddenly they stop talking in a loving manner and
automatically begin hurting each other: blaming, complaining, accusing, demanding, resenting,
and doubting.
Men and women arguing in this way hurt not only their feelings but also their relationship.
just as communication is the most important element in a relationship, arguments can be the
most destructive element, because the closer we are to someone, the easier it is to bruise or be
bruised.
For all practical purposes I strongly recommend that couples not argue. When two people are
not sexually involved it is a lot easier to remain detached and objective while arguing or
debating. But when couples argue who are emotionally involved and especially sexually
involved, they easily take things too personally.
As a basic guideline: never argue. Instead discuss the pros and cons of something. Negotiate for
what you want but don't argue. It is possible to be honest, open, and even express negative
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