Though all these painful feelings and needs are valid, they are generally not dealt with and
communicated directly. Instead they build up inside and come bursting up during an
argument. Sometimes they are directly addressed, but usually they come up and are expressed
through facial expression, body posture, and tone of voice.
Men and women need to understand and cooperate with their particular sensitivities and not
resent them. You will he addressing the true problem by trying to communicate in a way that
fulfill your partner's emotional needs. Arguments can then truly become mutually supportive
conversations necessary to resolve and negotiate differences and disagreements.
THE ANATOMY OF AN ARGUMENT
A hurtful argument usually has a basic anatomy. Maybe you can relate to the following
example.
My wife and I went on a beautiful walk and picnic. After eating, everything seemed fine until I
96
started talking about possible investments. Suddenly she became upset that I would consider
investing a certain portion of our savings in aggressive stocks. From my point of view I was
only considering it, but what she heard was that I was planning it (without even considering
her point of view). She became upset that I would do such a thing. I became upset with her for
being upset with me, and we had an argument.
I thought she disapproved of my investment choices and argued for their validity. My
argument however was fueled by my anger that she was upset with me. She argued that
aggressive stocks were too risky. But really she was upset that I would consider this investment
Do'stlaringiz bilan baham: |
