Any form of rejection is very painful because they are already rejecting themselves so much.
They seek to avoid rejection at all costs and want to be loved by all. In this process they literally
give up who they are.
You may have found yourself in one of these four f's or in many of them. People commonly
move from one to the other. In each of the above four strategies our intention is to protect
ourselves from being hurt. Unfortunately, it does not work. What works is to identify
arguments and stop. Take a time-out to cool off and then come back and talk again. Practice
communicating with increased understanding and respect for the opposite sex and you will
gradually learn to avoid arguments and fights.
WHY WE ARGUE
Men and women commonly argue about money, sex, decisions, scheduling, values, child
rearing, and household responsibilities. These discussions and negotiations, however, turn into
painful arguments for only one reason-we are not feeling loved. Emotional pain comes from
not feeling loved, and when a person is feeling emotional pain it is hard to be loving.
Because women are not from Mars, they do not instinctively realize what a man needs in order
to deal successfully with disagreements. Conflicting ideas, feelings, and desires are a difficult
challenge for a man. The closer he is to a woman, the harder it is to deal with differences and
disagreements. When she doesn't like something he has done, he tends to take it very
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personally and feels she doesn't like him.
A man can handle differences and disagreements best when his emotional needs are being
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