lengths to prove they don't care. But why do they immediately become cold, distant, and
defensive when they lose a woman's approval? Because not getting what they need hurts.
One of the reasons relationships are so successful in the beginning is that a man is still in a
woman's good graces. He is still her knight in shining armor. He receives the blessings of her
approval and, as a result, rides high. But as soon as he begins to disappoint her, he falls from
grace. He loses her approval. All of a sudden he is cast out into the doghouse.
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A man can deal with a woman's disappointment, but when it is expressed with disapproval or
rejection he feels wounded by her. Women commonly interrogate a man about his behavior
with a disapproving tone. They do this because they think it will teach him a lesson. It does
not. It only creates fear and resentment. And gradually he becomes less and less motivated.
To approve of a man is to see the good reasons behind what he does. Even when he is
irresponsible or lazy or disrespectful, if she loves him, a woman can find and recognize the
goodness within him. To approve is to find the loving intention or the goodness behind the
outside behavior.
To treat a man as if he has no good reason for what he does is to withhold the approval she so
freely gave in the beginning of the relationship. A woman needs to remember that she can still
give approval even when she disagrees.
One critical pair of problems from which arguments arise:
1. The man feels that the woman disapproves of his point of view.
2. Or the woman disapproves of the way the man is talking to her.
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