John Gray – Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Scanned by nova scanner: Canoscan D1250 U2f software: Omnipage Pro 9 Date: 28 August 2002 Proofed by

feelings of frustration, disappointment, or worry, every cell in a man's body instinctively reacts 
with a list of explanations and justifications designed to explain away her upset feelings. A 
man never intends to make matters worse. His tendency to explain away feelings is just 
Martian instinct. 
 
By understanding that his automatic gut reactions in this instance are counterproductive, a man 
can, however, make this shift. Through a growing awareness and his experiences of what works 
with a woman, a man can make this change. 

---

98 
 
HOW WOMEN UNKNOWINGLY START ARGUMENTS 
 
The most common way women unknowingly start arguments is by not being direct when they 
share their feelings. Instead of directly expressing her dislike or disappointment, a woman asks 
rhetorical questions and unknowingly (or knowingly) communicates a message of disapproval. 
Even though sometimes this is not the message she wants to give it is generally what a man will 
hear. 
 
For example, when a man is late, a woman may feel "I don't like waiting for you when you are 
late" or "I was worried that something had happened to you." When he arrives, instead of 
directly sharing her feelings she asks a rhetorical question like "How could you be so late?" or 
"What am I supposed to think when you're so late?" or "Why didn't you call?" 
 
Certainly asking someone "Why didn't you call?" is OK if you are sincerely looking for a valid 
reason. But when a woman is upset the tone of her voice often reveals that she’s not looking for 
a valid answer but is making the point that there is no acceptable reason for being late.