her fifty points. He does not know that in her experience he has only scored one point. He stops
giving because he thinks he has already given more.
In his mind this is the fair and loving thing to do. He allows her to give fifty points worth of
support to even the score. He doesn't realize that his hard work at the office scores only one
point. His model of fairness can work only when he understands and respects women give one
point for each gift of love. This first insight has practical applications for both men and women.
They are:
For Men: Remember that for a woman, big things and little things score one point. All gifts of
love are equal and equally needed-big and small. To avoid creating resentment, practice doing
some of the little things that make a big difference. Do not expect a woman to be satisfied
unless she gets an abundance of little expressions of love as well as the big.
For Women: Remember that men are from Mars; they are not automatically motivated to do the
little things. They give less not because they do not love you but because they believe they have
already given their share. Try not to take it personally. Instead, repeatedly encourage their
support by asking for more. Don't wait, until you desperately need his support or until the
score is greatly uneven to ask. Don't demand his support; trust that he wants to support YOU,
even if he needs a little encouragement.
2. Venusians Idealize Unconditional Love. A woman gives as much as she can and only notices
that she has received less when she is empty and spent. Women don't start out keeping score
like men do; women give freely and assume men will do the same.
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