ten, when he feels hurt by her, he may react to her by taking away her ten points. If he is more
hurt he may even give her a negative twenty. As a result she now owes him ten points, when a
minute before she had ten points.
This is very confusing to a woman. She may have given the equivalent of thirty points, and
then in one angry moment he takes them away. In his mind he feels justified in not giving
anything because she owes him. He thinks it is fair. This may be fair mathematically, but it is
not really fair.
Penalty points are destructive to relationships. They make a woman feel unappreciated and a
man less giving. If he negates in his mind all the loving support she has given, when she does
express some negativity, which is bound to happen occasionally, he then loses his motivation to
give. He becomes passive. This fifth insight has practical applications for both men and
women.
For Men: Remember that penalty points are not fair and do not work. At moments when you
feel unloved, offended, or hurt, forgive her and remember all the good she has given rather
than penalize her by negating it all. Instead of punishing her, ask her for the support you want,
and she will give it. Respectfully let her know how she has hurt you. Let her know how she has
hurt you and then give her an opportunity to apologize. Punishment does not work! You will
feel much better by giving her a chance to give you what you need. Remember she is a
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Venusian - she doesn't know what you need or how she hurts you.
For Women: Remember that men have this tendency to give penalty points. There are two
approaches to protect yourself from this abuse.
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