I want...
I love...
Sometimes writing a Response Letter is even more powerful than writing a Love Letter. Writing
out what we actually want and need increases our openness to receiving the support we
deserve. In addition, when we imagine our partners responding lovingly, we actually make it
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easier for them to do so.
Some people are very good at writing out their negative feelings but have a hard time finding
the feelings of love. It is especially important for these people to write Response Letters and
explore what they would want to hear in return. Be sure to feel your own resistance about
letting your partner support you. This gives you an added awareness about how difficult it
must be for your partner to deal lovingly with you at such times.
How We Can Learn About Our partners Needs
Sometimes women object to writing Response Letters. They expect their partners to know what
to say. They have a hidden feeling that says "I don't want to tell him what I need; if he really
loves me he will know." In this case a woman needs to remember men are from Mars and don't
know what women need; they need to be told.
A man's response is more a reflection of his planet than a mirror of how much he loves her. If
he were a Venusian, he would know what to say, but he is not. Men really don't know how to
respond to a woman's feelings. For the most part, our culture doesn't teach men what women
need.
If a man has seen and heard his father respond with loving words to his mother's upset
feelings, then he would have a better idea about what to do. As it is, he doesn't know because
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