you can learn new ways to ask for what you want-ways that work.
In my seminars I have trained thousands of women in the art of asking, and they repeatedly
have had immediate success. In this chapter we will explore the three steps involved in asking
for and getting what you want. They are: (1) Practice asking correctly for what you're already
getting; (2) Practice asking for more, even when you know he will say no, and accept his no; (3)
Practice assertive asking.
STEP 1: ASKING CORRECTLY FOR
WHAT YOU ARE ALREADY GETTING
The first step in learning how to get more In your relationships is to practice asking for what
you are already getting. Become aware of what your partner is already doing for you. Especially
the little things, like carrying boxes, fixing things, cleaning up, making calls, and other little
chores.
The important part of this stage is to begin asking him to do the little things he already does
and not to take him for granted. Then when he does those things give him a lot of appreciation.
Temporarily give up expecting him to offer his support unsolicited.
In step 1, it is important not to ask for more than what he is used to giving. Focus on asking him
to do little things that he normally does. Allow him to become used to hearing you ask for
things in a non-demanding tone.
When he hears a demanding tone, no matter how nicely you phrase your request, all he hears is
that he is not giving enough. This makes him feel unloved and unappreciated. His tendency is
then to give less until you appreciate what he is already giving.
He may be conditioned by you (or his mother) immediately to say no to your requests. In step I
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