some. I am willing to say yes.
17. When a woman says "Could you do this for me?" I get kind of honest and say "I'd rather
not." The lazy part of me comes out. But when I hear a "Would you please?" I become creative
and start thinking of ways to help.
One way women are sure to relate to the significant difference between would and could is to
reflect for a moment on this romantic scene. Imagine a man proposing marriage to a woman.
His heart is full, like the moon shining above. Kneeling before her, he reaches out to hold her
hands. Then he gazes up into her eyes and gently says, "Could you marry me?"
Immediately the romance is gone. Using the c word he appears weak and unworthy. In that
moment, he reeks of insecurity and low self-esteem. If instead he said "Would you marry me?"
then both his strength and vulnerability are present. That is the way to propose.
Similarly, a man requires that a woman propose her requests in this manner. Use the w words.
The c words sound too untrusting, indirect, weak, and manipulative.
When she says "Could you empty the trash?" the message he receives is "If you can empty it
then you should do it. I would do it for you!" From his point of view he feels it is obvious that
he can do it. In neglecting to ask for his support he feels she is manipulating him or taking him
for granted. He doesn't feel misted to be there for her if he can.
I remember one woman in a seminar explaining the difference in Venusian terms. She said, "At
first I couldn't feel the difference between these two ways of asking. But then I turned it
around. It feels very different to me when he says 'No, I can't do it' versus 'No, I will not do it.'
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