part of me comes up saying "Yes, I want to be of service," and then even if objections come up
later in my mind, I will still fulfill her request because I have given my word.
11. I will say yes to a "can you," but inside I resent her. I feel that if I say no she will throw a fit.
I feel manipulated. When she asks "would you," I feel free to say yes or no. It is then my choice,
and then I want to say yes.
12. When a woman asks me "Would you do this?" I feel assured inside that I am going to get a
point for this. I feel appreciated and happy to give.
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13. When I hear a "would you" I feel I am being trusted to serve. But when I hear a "can you" or
"could you" I hear a question behind the question. She is asking me if I can empty the trash
when it is obvious that I could. But behind her question is the request, which she doesn't trust
me enough to directly ask.
14. When a woman asks "would you" or "will you" I feel her vulnerability. I am much more
sensitive to her and her needs; I definitely don't want to reject her. When she says "could you" I
am much more apt to say no because I know it is not a rejection of her. It is simply an
impersonal statement saying I can't do it. She won't take it personally if I say no to a "Could
you do this?"
15. For me "would you" makes it personal, and I want to give, but "could you" makes it
impersonal, and I will give if it is convenient or if I don't have anything else to do.
16. When a woman says "Could you please help me?" I can feel her resentment and I will resist
her, but if she says "Would you please help me" I can't hear any resentment, even if there is
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