In each of the above examples, be prepared for him to say no and practice being accepting and
trusting. Accept his no and trust that he would offer support if he could. Each time you ask a
man for support and he isn't made wrong for saying no, he gives you between five and ten
points. Next time you ask he will be more responsive to your request. In a sense, by asking for
his support in a loving way, you are helping him stretch his ability to give more.
I first learned this from a woman employee years ago. We were working on a non-profit project
and needed volunteers. She was about to call Tom, who was a friend of mine. I told her not to
bother because I already knew he would not be able to help this time. She said she would call
anyway. I asked her why, and she said, "When I call I will ask for his support, and when he
says no I will be very gracious and understanding. Then next time, when I call for a future
project, he will be more willing to say yes. He will have a positive memory of me." She was
right.
When you ask a man for support and you do not reject him for saying no, he will remember
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that, and next time he will be much more willing to give. On the other hand, if you quietly
sacrifice your needs and don't ask, he won't have any idea how many times he is needed. How
could he know if you don't ask?
As you gently continue to ask for more, occasionally your partner will be able to stretch his
comfort zone and say yes. At this point it has become safe to ask for more. This is one way
healthy relationships are built.
Healthy Relationships
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