John Gray – Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Scanned by nova scanner: Canoscan D1250 U2f software: Omnipage Pro 9 Date: 28 August 2002 Proofed by

Often when a man grumbles he is in the process of saying yes to your request. Because most 
women misunderstand this reaction, they either avoid asking him for support or they take it 
personally and reject him in return. 
 
In our example, where he is headed for bed and you ask him to go to the store for milk, he is 
likely to grumble. 
 
Let's say he is on his way to bed, and you ask him to go to the store. In his response, he says 
"Oh, I'm really tired, I want to go to bed." You reply with "I made you dinner, I washed the 
dishes, I got the kids ready for bed, and all you did was plant yourself on this couch! I don't ask 
for much, but at least you could help now. I am so exhausted. I feel like I do everything around 
here." 
 
The argument starts. On the other hand, if you know that grumbles are just grumbles and are 
often his way of starting to say yes, your response will be silence. Your silence is a signal that 
you trust that he is stretching inside and about to say yes. 
 
.I'm tired," he says with an annoyed look. "I want to go to bed." 
 
If you misunderstand his response as a rejection, you might say 
 
• "I don't ask you for much." 
 
• "It will only take you fifteen minutes.,, 
 
• "I feel disappointed. This really hurts my feelings. 
 
• "You mean you won't do this for me." 
 
• "Why can't you do it?" 
 
Etc., etc., etc. You get the idea. When he grumbles, she feels the urge to defend her request and 
mistakenly breaks her silence. She argues with her partner in an attempt to convince him that 

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