It is important to ask and then act as if it is perfectly OK for him to say no. Remember, you're
making it safe for him to refuse. Use this approach only for situations that are really OK if he
says no. Pick situations where you would appreciate his support but rarely ask for it. Make sure
you will feel comfortable if he says no.
These are some examples of what I mean:
When to Ask
What to Say
He is working on something and you want him
to pick up the kids. Normally you wouldn't
bother him, and so you do it yourself.
You say "Would you pick up Julie, she just
called?" If he says no, then graciously and simply
say "OK."
He normally comes home and expects you to
make dinner. You want him to make dinner, but
you never ask. You sense he resists cooking.
You say "Would you help me cut the potatoes?"
or "Would you make dinner tonight?" If he says
no, then graciously and simply say "OK."
He normally watches TV after dinner while you
wash the dishes. You want him to wash them, or
at least help, but you never ask. You sense he
hates doing dishes. Maybe you don't mind it as
much as he does, so you go ahead and do it.
You say "Would you help me with the dishes
tonight?" or "Would you bring in the plates?" or
wait for an easy night and say "Would you do the
dishes tonight?" If he says no then graciously and
simply say "OK. "
He wants to go to a movie and you want to go
dancing. Normally you sense his desire to see the
movie and you don't bother asking to go dancing.
You say "Would you take me dancing tonight? I
love to dance with you." If he says no, then
graciously and simply say "OK."
You are both tired and ready to go to bed. The
trash is collected the next morning. You sense
how tired he is, so you don't ask him to bring the
trash out.
You say "Would you take the trash out?" If he
says no, then graciously and simply say "OK."
He is very busy and preoccupied with an
important project. You don't want to distract him
because you sense how focused he is, but you
also want to talk with him. Normally you would
sense his resistance and not ask for some time.
You say "Would you spend sometime with me?"
If he says no, then graciously and simply say
"OK."
He is focused and busy, but you need to pick up
your car, which has been in the shop. Normally
you anticipate how difficult it will be for him to
rearrange his schedule and you don't ask him for
a ride.
You say "Would you give me a ride today to pick
up my car? It's being repaired." If he says no, then
graciously and simply say "OK."
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