against the wall, as if I have no choice. lf I have the ability to help then I am expected to help! I
don't feel appreciated.
5. I resent being asked "could you" I feel like I have no choice but to say yes. If I say no she will
be upset with me. It is not a request but a demand.
6. I keep myself busy, or at least pretend to be busy so that the woman I work with doesn't ask
me the "could you" question. With "would you" I feel I have a choice, and I want to help.
7. Just this last week, wife asked me, "Could you plant the flowers today?" and without
hesitation I said yes. Then when she: came home she asked, "Did you plant the flower?" I said
no. She said, "Could you do it tomorrow?" and again, without hesitation, I said yes. This
happened every day this week, and the flowers are still not planted. I think if she had asked me
"Would you plant the flowers tomorrow?" I would have thought about it, and if I had said yes I
would have done it.
8. When I say "Yes, I could do that" I am not committing myself to doing it. I am just saying that
I could do it. I have not promised to do it. If she gets upset with me I feel like she doesn't have
a right. If I say I will do it, then I can understand why she is upset if I don't do it.
9. I grew up with five sisters, and now I am married and have three daughters. When my wife
says "Can you bring out the trash?" I just don't answer. Then
she asks "why?" and I don't even
know. Now I realize why. I feel controlled. I can respond to "would you?"
10. When I hear a "could you" I'll immediately say yes, and then over the next ten minutes I will
realize why I'm not going to do it and then ignore the question. But when I hear a "will you" a
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