have to be convinced. The longer you explain yourself the more he will resist, Long
explanations validating your request make him feel as though you don't trust him to support
you. He will start to feel manipulated instead of free to offer his support.
Just as a woman who is upset doesn't want to hear a list of reasons and explanations about why
she shouldn't be upset, a man doesn't want to hear a list of reasons and explanations about why
he should fulfill her request.
Women mistakenly give a list of reasons to justify their needs. They think it will help him see
that her request is valid and therefore motivate him. What a man hears is "This is why you have
to do it." The longer the list, the more he may resist supporting you. If he asks you "why?" then
you can give your reasons, but then again, be cautiously brief. Practice trusting that he will do
it, if he can. Be as brief as possible.
4. Be Direct. Women often think they are asking for support when they are not. When she needs
support, a woman may present the problem but not directly ask for his support. She expects
him to offer his support and neglects directly to ask for it.
An indirect request implies the request but does not directly say it. These indirect requests
make a man feel taken for granted and unappreciated. Occasionally using indirect statements is
certainly OK, but when they are repeatedly used, a man becomes resistant to giving his
support. He may not even know why he is so resistant. The following statements are all
examples of indirect requests and how a man might respond to them:
WHAT HE MAY HEAR WHEN SHE IS NONDIRECT
What She Should Say
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