support is essential to the success of any relationship. If you want to G-E-T then you have to
A-S-K.
Both men and women have difficulty asking for support. Women, however, tend to find it
much more frustrating and disappointing to ask for support than men do. For this reason, I will
be addressing this chapter to women. Of course, men will deepen their understanding of
women if they too read this chapter.
WHY WOMEN DON'T ASK
Women make the mistake of thinking they don't have to ask for support. Because they
intuitively feel the needs of others and give whatever they can, they mistakenly expect men to
do the same. When a woman is in love, she instinctively offers her love. With great delight and
enthusiasm, she looks for ways to offer her support. The more she loves someone, the more
motivated she is to offer her love. Back on Venus, everyone automatically gives support, so
there was no reason to ask for it. In fact, not needing to ask is one of the ways they show their
love for one another. On Venus their motto is "Love is never having to ask!"
Because this is her reference point, she assumes that if her partner loves her, he will offer his
support and she won't have to ask. She may even purposefully not ask as a test to see if he
really loves her. To pass the test, she requires that he anticipate her needs and offer his
unsolicited support!
This approach to relationships with men doesn't work. Men are from Mars, and on Mars if you
want support you simply have to ask for it. Men are not instinctively motivated to offer their
support; they need to be asked. This can be very confusing because if you ask a man for
support in the wrong way he gets turned off, and if you don't ask at all you'll get little or none.
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