Ielts essay Clinic Targeted Feedback pdf 2 Your Main Body Paragraphs


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being a tourist abroad. 
Advice- This response attempts to explain the main point but it seems to be 
two seperate explanations rather than one cohesive explanation. Do not use 
multiple separate points.
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Explanation
Student sample
Most of the locals have already visited the historical sites in their city at least 
twice in their past, so they do not feel much motivated to see the same things 
again. After working for 5 days, people want something new to look forward to 
spending their time with on the weekends. The historical places lack that 
newness in them due to which people get attracted to other options which 
offer them entertainment and a more dynamic ambience. For example, most of 
the Delhi localities prefer visiting malls as compared to the Old Fort as the 
malls provide them with different options such as watching movie, restaurants, 
fun rides for kids, etc.
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People from the local community often find these attractions too 
expensive to visit. This is because there is often an entrance fee charged 
to attend and there is also the added cost of transportation and 
refreshments. These expenses can often be very difficult to afford for 
someone on a low salary when compared to a tourist who has the money 
to go and visit different countries. 
VIP Student Explanation
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